Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!  How often that is said throughout this time of year?  What are the thoughts and meaning behind those words?  This is me preaching straight to myself.  There is a sense of joy in my heart around this time and I want it to be for the right reason. The reason for this season in the first place. Jesus.  I love seeing my family and the social gatherings that are assosciated with Christmas are always nice to catch up with old and new friends.  There is still a sense of excitement of opening gifts and giving gifts as well.  The food and sweets around this time are also a treat, and if you know me at all, is definitely something I enjoy.  None of these things I enjoy around this special holiday would be possible to enjoy if it wasn't for Jesus Christ.  Everything on this Earth is by God's doing. So everything, especially the Christmas holiday, should have a focus on Jesus and a thanksgiving to the Lord for making it happen.

In Luke Chapter 1 Mary is filled with an overwhelming sense of awe for the Lord and all he has done when she says in verses 46-55:

"My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,

and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior,

because He has looked on me with favor

on the humble condition of His slave.

Surely, from now on generations

will call me blessed,

because the Mighty One

has done great things for me,

and His name is holy.

His mercy is from generation to generation

on those who fear Him.

He has done a mighty deed with His arm;

He has scattered the proud

because of the thoughts of their hearts;

He has toppled the mighty from their thrones

and exalted the lowly.

He has satisfied the hungry with good things

and sent the rich away empty.

He has helped His servant Israel,

mindful of His mercy,

just as He spoke to our ancestors,

to Abraham and his descendants forever."

This is the kind of mindset I want around Christmas, and all through out the year.  God gave His one and only Son to die for our sins so we could live eternally in peace and happiness with Him.  I say that outshines any gift, cookie or tree anyday!

My Everything

Is it not obvious how totally sinful and unworthy I am?

I don't deserve anything from You.

Yet, I need You for everything

and You selflessly give it to me through You own Son's blood.

My past, present and future sin nailed down Your own flesh and blood on a wooden cross.

You are absolutely incredible. mysterious. generous. comforting. encouraging. amazing.

You are my everything

My pick-me-up.

My guidance counselor.

My coach.

My teacher.

My leader.

My friend.

The last one is my favorite.

I love to call You and am blessed to call You my friend.

Spending time with You is always refreshing and encouraging.

You whipe my tears.

Give me advice.

Have a serious sense of humor.

Challenge me.

Comfort me.

Lift me up.

Push me forward.

I am moved to tears at the thought of all You have done in my life.

I pray You never stop testing me and refining me.

I am thankful for that and for conviction because I know it is bringing me closer to You.

You set it up so I come to You for help.

I am honored You care so much

and I will always come back to You.

"When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer"
 -Psalm 94:19

Prayer Practice and Practice with Prayer!

Okay, so apologies in advance if this is a long one...I have a bunch of thoughts I want to get out and sometimes they make sense in this ole head of mine but don't transfer as nicely once I try to form actual sentences :)

So the Lord has been teaching me a lot this week.  In high school, running track was fun and easy for me.  I wouldn't think twice, would go out and just be able to run a decent race and would feel happy and great about this sport I loved.  Was the Lord on my mind during this time? No. Not in the least. But was I doing "well" in this sport? Yes. Was I getting attention for any good performances or races? Here and there yes. Was I glorifying the Lord for these "accomplishments"? Nope.

I was excited to go off to college and have the same experiences but on a bigger scale, how exciting! Woo hoo here goes a stand out freshmen season! It came easy to me so why would it be any different now?  Hmm...maybe because the Lord wanted to get my greedy butt's attention! Nothing went the way I planned freshmen year.  I was hitting times I hit as a freshmen in high school. I was embarrassed, frustrated, confused, fed up and angry.  I tried getting more sleep, talking to our weight coach about if anything we were doing was hindering me, I tried eating differently to loose weight, maybe if I weighed less I could run faster?  Nothing helped.  I describe my freshmen track and field season like those bad dreams where you are trying so hard to run (usually away from a dog or maybe that's just me) and you just can't go anywhere, no matter how hard you try. Jello legs 24/7.  I was an emotional wreck. Broken and crying.  Ah ha! Just where God wanted me :)

It took me until the end of freshmen year but I eventually did turn to the Lord through out this trial.  I came to a peace about my track career and realized if I never even ran another good race another day in my life that it would not be the end of the world, that I still had the Lord.

Sophomore was a developing year for me in my faith.  My attitude towards track and running improved and even some of my performances.  Although they weren't anything fantastic, it was an improvement and I was thankful to the Lord.  I really just wanted to use my running to run for Him and glorify Him but I just couldn't figure out exactly how to do that.  I wanted to listen just to God for support and confidence, which was hard when people had their own opinions about how my running was going.

After going to the Ultimate Training Camp this summer, my eyes were really opened to new ways to use my sport to glorify God.  Taking biblical truths that I am thankful for and thinking of them as I perform my sport, and using that as a way to thank God for these things.  Recently I have had some amazing practices that doubled as prayer time with my Lord and have been so refreshing.

Just the other day I was practicing and started it off with a prayer to God asking to keep my mind focused on Him and to just have a joyful heart through out my workout simply because He has given me the ability to do so.  About halfway through I was feeling it pretty heavy.  This is usually when I start thinking about how silly it is for me to even think to complain about being a tad bit fatigued after what Jesus had to go through in dying for my sins.  Then I feel pathetic, apologize to God and keep my butt moving!  I have yet to have to counter those thoughts but even if they still creep in it is awesome to be able to turn them around towards God and run for Him.

What I try to do at practice is before every set of running I'll think of a truth like "I am a new creation in the Lord" and when I am overcome with thanks to God for that and I say "thank You!" to myself just before I start running and just think of the finish line as running into the Lord's embrace.  Or sometimes I'll listen to my ipod (if I'm warming up or going on a long-run) and will just worship and praise God while I am running.  It is honestly one of my favorite things to do and I always feel so great afterwards!

I was thinking the other day, what is honestly the worst thing that could happen when I am running a workout? Honestly? I mean, worst case scenario, slim chance I could die.  But how cool would that be if I died while doing something that was glorifying Him?  That is when I had the thought that every event and situation that happens in my life should be involving the Lord like that.  Might sound like a no brainer but a total light bulb just went off in my head at that moment. Why don't I take my little talks with God and prayer time during practice into every other aspect of my life? If I am that much encouraged and uplifted at practice just think the kind of effect it could have on my life!  God wants to talk to me throughout the day, not just at practice.

God already knows the outcome of my every practice, race, season and career as a track and field athlete.  If it is already planned then why worry?! Plus, He is proud of me and loves me no matter what place I come in, not if I do well. If I perform and do everything with that mind set there is absolutely no way I can be let down, the Lord is with me every step! This week I learned there is only good that can come out of situations when you have the Lord in mind, because He always has you in mind.

"I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things."

 - Philippians 3:8

Motives

"All a man's ways seem right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the motives." - Proverbs 16:2

Dang! So humbling.  Makes you take a serious heart check doesn't it?  It is so easy to justify situations to make them seem okay.  To interpret the Word to your liking and not take it for what it is.  I know I've been there.  Scripture slapping me in the face but choosing to look the other way because it was more "comfortable" or seemed hard to realize and change.  Even more so, you can be doing great acts of service and kindness to others but where is your heart?  Are you grumbling as go out of your way to do someone a favor or are you happy to show them an act of love and gracious for the opportunity to do so?  Do you then return to the person you did the favor for and smile and say, "Oh no problem! I was happy to do it for you".  You may fool that person, but you won't fool the Lord because he knows your motives.  He even knows your half motives, and semi-thoughts that you don't even let come full circle.  Why do we do the things we do?  If we are deep in the Word and getting spiritually fed then it is easier do things out of a loving heart, rather than a hardened one.  What were Jesus' motives in dying on the cross for our sins? Selflessness.  Love.  Obedience.  When thought about like that, we should take those same motives and apply them to our everyday encounters.

Last Journal for Class!

Hey all, here is my last journal entry for my Communicating Emotions class! The assignment for this particular entry was to address issues that came up through out this whole writing process and convey what we learned while writing these entries.

              Whew.  Last journal entry!  This has been such a cool assignment for me personally.  So unique to be able to really dive inside yourself in a class and learn something about whom you are as a person.  So many times in classes we are studying about this person, or that formula, which is great but to me it is also unsatisfying.  I enjoyed this class because I felt like I really took something away and will be able to apply it to my life.  When God is factored into anything in life, I am automatically on board and am usually more amped to be doing something where I can focus on Him than on something else.  In being in tune with my emotions and especially in relation to my relationship with the Lord I really felt I grew this semester as a Christian, which is more than I could ask for. 

            Looking back over my previous journal entries, I notice something.  I notice it was clearly a challenge for me to stay on the topic of present tense.  It was hard for me to break my mold of how I usually write in my own journal and fine-tune it more towards an ethnography approach.  This experience has taught me to slow down more and think about my emotions before I spread them out on paper.  I am usually so in the moment with God that I just write and write and write.  I don’t think I will stop that either, because it has definitely been a helpful outlet for me.  However, I think I will just add some reflective time on the pieces I write and perhaps leave some time for an analysis and re-write :).  Add and not subtract!   That sounds productive!  In all honestly, I think it will help me to bring this aspect of writing into my personal journal writing and I am thankful for the opportunity to broaden my writing in that way.

            I think throughout this assignment my emotions have somewhat been influenced by culture and society.  Some of this is played out in my previous journal entries, like the one where I am not bold in my proclamation of living for the Lord because I am nervous of what my friend might say or think.  This was so eye opening!  As hard as that was to see how I failed in that way I am so thankful for that happening because it taught me a great and valuable lesson.  I only want to answer to the Lord and not worry about human opinions.  Human opinions are unpredictable and changing and if I put my hope in the Lord I will never be let down and never have to be striving for anything ridiculous because He will guide me the whole way.  I needed to be reminded of that this semester and in writing these journal entries I have come to realize that!  I think I communicated my emotions as effectively as I could.  I don’t think I did it perfectly, but I also think this type of story telling takes time and practice.  I am sure that if I continue this process and look back in a year I will see leaps and bounds in my writing style.  That being said, I am confident in my work presently and have learned and grown in myself that I can’t be disappointed, even if the grade doesn’t match up to how I feel.

            I think that value of writing and telling this story was priceless.  Yes, I realize how cheesy that can sound but think about it.  No one else has ever told this story, in this way.  Amongst our class, everyone has written a uniquely them story!  Taking that a step further, not only am I the only one who has ever written this story but I also got something out of it that no one else will, a sense of peace and encouragement.  I got a sense of peace because throughout writing this I was constantly reminded of how my God was with me, throughout each sentence I wrote and throughout each event I wrote about.  I found encouragement in the fact that during this process the Lord pointed out areas for me to work on.  In doing this assignment the Lord took as an opportunity for a spiritual growth lesson!  I think that is what is so cool about God, He is always using things to teach you and if you are open to those lessons you can learn something out of every situation.  I think writing this did change my life in some way because I believe we are being molded each day into the person God intends us to be.  I think this was a great outlet in order to grow in my faith and definitely feel that I have made a difference in how I look at certain instances of my past now and how I look at my future.  I look at my past as a gift from God.  My past was needed in order to make me into the person I am today.  God let everything in my past happen because he knew I could handle it and come out on top, glorifying Him.  To look back now and know that, I am beyond thankful for every thing “bad” that has ever happened to me in my life and I am excited to see just how the Lord will use that in my future.  I look at my future as an open slate, an open canvas with God as the artist.  I like to think of Him painting a beautiful picture of my life and inserting me into places where He thinks I can make the most impact speaking and sharing with other the glory of God Himself.  I am utterly honored to be looked at by the Almighty Father as a tool for His works.  Me.  Robyn Oakley.  He picked me and is just as honored for me to be following Him and wanting to learn from Him.  HA! It really makes me laugh because it is so unbelievable.  I guess I got a bit off track but that is what happens when I am thinking about the Lord and writing, I told you :).   I am a survivor of my past and a warrior for God to my future.  With God by my side I can battle any worldly frustration, temptation, and humiliation.  This assignment has allowed me to explore the depths of my feelings for the Lord and helped me realize, no matter where I think I may be in life one thing stands firm.  That is, I am so totally amazed by God and am useless without Him.

That you may walk (live and conduct yourselves) in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him and desiring to please Him in all things, bearing fruit in every good work and steadily growing and increasing in and by the knowledge of God [with fuller, deeper, and clearer insight, acquaintance, and recognition]. 

- Colossians 1: 10

Difference

1 Peter 4:16-19

New International Version (NIV)

Suffering for Being a Christian

¹⁶ However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. ¹⁷ For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? ¹⁸ And,   “If it is hard for the righteous to be saved,
   what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?”^[a]
 19 So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

This scripture was recommended to me to read today by Allison Stowell (http://steadfaststowell.blogspot.com) <--her AWESOME blog! Anyway, this just about jumped from the screen and slapped me in the face, and I love when that happens! Don't you?

If we suffer or take judgment because we are Christians, praise the Lord!  That means we are distinguishing ourselves and being noticed as Christians.  We should be concerned if we asked the Lord into our hearts and nothing else has changed.  If no one notices a change in you after you have decided to live for the Lord you should probably do some re-evaluation of how you are living.

Those are definitely some words of encouragement perhaps if you are in transition to living for Christ or getting back on the right path towards righteousness and feel like no one else is with you, or everyone you use to know and associate with is heading down another road.  The Lord sees the effort you are making and it is comforting to know people see there is something different about you! That difference is called Christ!

God knows the path of righteousness is a hard one.  His grace and mercy would not be as special if it was a piece of cake.  He designed it so we need to rely on Him and only Him to get through situations and problems that arise in life.  To know I need the Lord and turn to Him when times get tough does not mean I am invincible to hurt, sorrow or pain.  It does however ease all of that and help me place trust in the Lord to help me overcome any hardship.  When I think of nonbelievers going through the same life struggles without our Heavenly Father for guidance and love my heart is saddened.  It is easy to see without God how one problem can whirlwind into a place called rock bottom.

That is why I embrace my judgment as a Christian and thank the Lord for the opportunity that presents to possibly touch someone who doesn't know the Lord.  Today I was reminded my responsibilities as a Christian and to be careful with how I handle situations because I am a representation of Christ when I do so, whether good or bad.  If it is hard as a Christian to be saved and I am going around actin' a fool around non-Christians how is that helping them to come to know the Lord? Answer: it isn't. It will only encourage more foolishness and in the process I am hurting my own walk as well.

I do not think you can claim yourself to be a Christian while at the same time being ashamed to be called one.  That is like saying you are a natural brunette when you really just have this tacky cheap brown wig over your true hair color.  Everyone can see through it and you are uncomfortable trying to fit into a category in which you do not.  Are you ashamed when you suffer as a Christian or do you praise God? Because without Him there would be constant and eternal suffering.

I'm a Christian

            How do you describe yourself? As a mother or father? As a son or daughter? As a sister or brother? As a sports fan? By your job title? By your personality? By your accomplishments?  By your talents?  If you asked me two years ago I would have said I was a daughter, sister, friend, track athlete, and a student.  That is how I would have defined myself and would have thought that was a pretty accurate depiction of who I was as a person.  Looking back now I just see a huge gaping hole in that description.  First and foremost I am a Christian.  My purpose here on this earth is to know God and make Him known.  That is not to say I that I do not fall into those other categories but they are just avenues God blessed me with in order to share who He is and spread His word.  I am a Christian who just so happens to run track and be a student, not a student or athlete who just happens to be a Christian.  I would not be attending school at USF if it weren’t for God’s blessing me with the ability to run.  To quote my friend Christine, “running is just a gift I am borrowing from the Lord”, so I will use this blessing for how God intends me to.  Whether that is directly through running every race for Him or by using the place where I am in life right now as an athlete to reach others with God’s good news.  I now think of my other descriptions and ask myself “How does the Lord want me to use this position to reach others and to glorify Him while I am here?”  What are your titles or categories and what is the Lord asking you to do with them?

"Make known among the nations what He has done, and proclaim that His name is exalted" 

-Isaiah 12:4