Time.
Time is strange.
One day, one moment can seem to suspend in time
While, simultaneously you are hit with the stark slap of "where did the time go?"
Thinking back on all the "remember whens", good times and laughs
Makes it hard to fathom the current reality.
One minute the sun is shining, matching the smile on your face and the laugh in your eyes.
The next minute, a storm rolls in, clouding your vision and pressing heavy precipitation on your heart and lungs.
Sometimes, you feel, this is okay because at least it lines up with the immovable feeling in your heart.
The piercing gap that now remains--
That makes it beat just a little bit differently,
That makes it strive harder to do the same amount of work.
Similar, in style, are you.
Beating a little differently--
Striving, suffering, fighting but ultimately surviving to push through each day, each moment...
The moments when you question if the pain will ever subside,
If you will ever stop missing them.
Unlikely. And that's okay--
They are irreplaceable.
And if missing them keeps them on your mind--keeps their qualities, characteristics, strength and love close to your heart, where perhaps you might grasp and share some of their goodness--spreading the love they showed you to others, then missing them will remain.
There will be moments you think of them and your heart swells with pride, bursting with love and appreciation.
And there will be moments you think of them and your heart bursts with the same intensity but with brokenness and sadness.
There is no prescription for grief.
Allow yourself the highs.
Embrace the lows.
There is growth in both.
There is grace in both.
And even when you feel lonely
You are never alone.
