Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!  How often that is said throughout this time of year?  What are the thoughts and meaning behind those words?  This is me preaching straight to myself.  There is a sense of joy in my heart around this time and I want it to be for the right reason. The reason for this season in the first place. Jesus.  I love seeing my family and the social gatherings that are assosciated with Christmas are always nice to catch up with old and new friends.  There is still a sense of excitement of opening gifts and giving gifts as well.  The food and sweets around this time are also a treat, and if you know me at all, is definitely something I enjoy.  None of these things I enjoy around this special holiday would be possible to enjoy if it wasn't for Jesus Christ.  Everything on this Earth is by God's doing. So everything, especially the Christmas holiday, should have a focus on Jesus and a thanksgiving to the Lord for making it happen.

In Luke Chapter 1 Mary is filled with an overwhelming sense of awe for the Lord and all he has done when she says in verses 46-55:

"My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,

and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior,

because He has looked on me with favor

on the humble condition of His slave.

Surely, from now on generations

will call me blessed,

because the Mighty One

has done great things for me,

and His name is holy.

His mercy is from generation to generation

on those who fear Him.

He has done a mighty deed with His arm;

He has scattered the proud

because of the thoughts of their hearts;

He has toppled the mighty from their thrones

and exalted the lowly.

He has satisfied the hungry with good things

and sent the rich away empty.

He has helped His servant Israel,

mindful of His mercy,

just as He spoke to our ancestors,

to Abraham and his descendants forever."

This is the kind of mindset I want around Christmas, and all through out the year.  God gave His one and only Son to die for our sins so we could live eternally in peace and happiness with Him.  I say that outshines any gift, cookie or tree anyday!

My Everything

Is it not obvious how totally sinful and unworthy I am?

I don't deserve anything from You.

Yet, I need You for everything

and You selflessly give it to me through You own Son's blood.

My past, present and future sin nailed down Your own flesh and blood on a wooden cross.

You are absolutely incredible. mysterious. generous. comforting. encouraging. amazing.

You are my everything

My pick-me-up.

My guidance counselor.

My coach.

My teacher.

My leader.

My friend.

The last one is my favorite.

I love to call You and am blessed to call You my friend.

Spending time with You is always refreshing and encouraging.

You whipe my tears.

Give me advice.

Have a serious sense of humor.

Challenge me.

Comfort me.

Lift me up.

Push me forward.

I am moved to tears at the thought of all You have done in my life.

I pray You never stop testing me and refining me.

I am thankful for that and for conviction because I know it is bringing me closer to You.

You set it up so I come to You for help.

I am honored You care so much

and I will always come back to You.

"When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer"
 -Psalm 94:19

Prayer Practice and Practice with Prayer!

Okay, so apologies in advance if this is a long one...I have a bunch of thoughts I want to get out and sometimes they make sense in this ole head of mine but don't transfer as nicely once I try to form actual sentences :)

So the Lord has been teaching me a lot this week.  In high school, running track was fun and easy for me.  I wouldn't think twice, would go out and just be able to run a decent race and would feel happy and great about this sport I loved.  Was the Lord on my mind during this time? No. Not in the least. But was I doing "well" in this sport? Yes. Was I getting attention for any good performances or races? Here and there yes. Was I glorifying the Lord for these "accomplishments"? Nope.

I was excited to go off to college and have the same experiences but on a bigger scale, how exciting! Woo hoo here goes a stand out freshmen season! It came easy to me so why would it be any different now?  Hmm...maybe because the Lord wanted to get my greedy butt's attention! Nothing went the way I planned freshmen year.  I was hitting times I hit as a freshmen in high school. I was embarrassed, frustrated, confused, fed up and angry.  I tried getting more sleep, talking to our weight coach about if anything we were doing was hindering me, I tried eating differently to loose weight, maybe if I weighed less I could run faster?  Nothing helped.  I describe my freshmen track and field season like those bad dreams where you are trying so hard to run (usually away from a dog or maybe that's just me) and you just can't go anywhere, no matter how hard you try. Jello legs 24/7.  I was an emotional wreck. Broken and crying.  Ah ha! Just where God wanted me :)

It took me until the end of freshmen year but I eventually did turn to the Lord through out this trial.  I came to a peace about my track career and realized if I never even ran another good race another day in my life that it would not be the end of the world, that I still had the Lord.

Sophomore was a developing year for me in my faith.  My attitude towards track and running improved and even some of my performances.  Although they weren't anything fantastic, it was an improvement and I was thankful to the Lord.  I really just wanted to use my running to run for Him and glorify Him but I just couldn't figure out exactly how to do that.  I wanted to listen just to God for support and confidence, which was hard when people had their own opinions about how my running was going.

After going to the Ultimate Training Camp this summer, my eyes were really opened to new ways to use my sport to glorify God.  Taking biblical truths that I am thankful for and thinking of them as I perform my sport, and using that as a way to thank God for these things.  Recently I have had some amazing practices that doubled as prayer time with my Lord and have been so refreshing.

Just the other day I was practicing and started it off with a prayer to God asking to keep my mind focused on Him and to just have a joyful heart through out my workout simply because He has given me the ability to do so.  About halfway through I was feeling it pretty heavy.  This is usually when I start thinking about how silly it is for me to even think to complain about being a tad bit fatigued after what Jesus had to go through in dying for my sins.  Then I feel pathetic, apologize to God and keep my butt moving!  I have yet to have to counter those thoughts but even if they still creep in it is awesome to be able to turn them around towards God and run for Him.

What I try to do at practice is before every set of running I'll think of a truth like "I am a new creation in the Lord" and when I am overcome with thanks to God for that and I say "thank You!" to myself just before I start running and just think of the finish line as running into the Lord's embrace.  Or sometimes I'll listen to my ipod (if I'm warming up or going on a long-run) and will just worship and praise God while I am running.  It is honestly one of my favorite things to do and I always feel so great afterwards!

I was thinking the other day, what is honestly the worst thing that could happen when I am running a workout? Honestly? I mean, worst case scenario, slim chance I could die.  But how cool would that be if I died while doing something that was glorifying Him?  That is when I had the thought that every event and situation that happens in my life should be involving the Lord like that.  Might sound like a no brainer but a total light bulb just went off in my head at that moment. Why don't I take my little talks with God and prayer time during practice into every other aspect of my life? If I am that much encouraged and uplifted at practice just think the kind of effect it could have on my life!  God wants to talk to me throughout the day, not just at practice.

God already knows the outcome of my every practice, race, season and career as a track and field athlete.  If it is already planned then why worry?! Plus, He is proud of me and loves me no matter what place I come in, not if I do well. If I perform and do everything with that mind set there is absolutely no way I can be let down, the Lord is with me every step! This week I learned there is only good that can come out of situations when you have the Lord in mind, because He always has you in mind.

"I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things."

 - Philippians 3:8

Motives

"All a man's ways seem right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the motives." - Proverbs 16:2

Dang! So humbling.  Makes you take a serious heart check doesn't it?  It is so easy to justify situations to make them seem okay.  To interpret the Word to your liking and not take it for what it is.  I know I've been there.  Scripture slapping me in the face but choosing to look the other way because it was more "comfortable" or seemed hard to realize and change.  Even more so, you can be doing great acts of service and kindness to others but where is your heart?  Are you grumbling as go out of your way to do someone a favor or are you happy to show them an act of love and gracious for the opportunity to do so?  Do you then return to the person you did the favor for and smile and say, "Oh no problem! I was happy to do it for you".  You may fool that person, but you won't fool the Lord because he knows your motives.  He even knows your half motives, and semi-thoughts that you don't even let come full circle.  Why do we do the things we do?  If we are deep in the Word and getting spiritually fed then it is easier do things out of a loving heart, rather than a hardened one.  What were Jesus' motives in dying on the cross for our sins? Selflessness.  Love.  Obedience.  When thought about like that, we should take those same motives and apply them to our everyday encounters.

Last Journal for Class!

Hey all, here is my last journal entry for my Communicating Emotions class! The assignment for this particular entry was to address issues that came up through out this whole writing process and convey what we learned while writing these entries.

              Whew.  Last journal entry!  This has been such a cool assignment for me personally.  So unique to be able to really dive inside yourself in a class and learn something about whom you are as a person.  So many times in classes we are studying about this person, or that formula, which is great but to me it is also unsatisfying.  I enjoyed this class because I felt like I really took something away and will be able to apply it to my life.  When God is factored into anything in life, I am automatically on board and am usually more amped to be doing something where I can focus on Him than on something else.  In being in tune with my emotions and especially in relation to my relationship with the Lord I really felt I grew this semester as a Christian, which is more than I could ask for. 

            Looking back over my previous journal entries, I notice something.  I notice it was clearly a challenge for me to stay on the topic of present tense.  It was hard for me to break my mold of how I usually write in my own journal and fine-tune it more towards an ethnography approach.  This experience has taught me to slow down more and think about my emotions before I spread them out on paper.  I am usually so in the moment with God that I just write and write and write.  I don’t think I will stop that either, because it has definitely been a helpful outlet for me.  However, I think I will just add some reflective time on the pieces I write and perhaps leave some time for an analysis and re-write :).  Add and not subtract!   That sounds productive!  In all honestly, I think it will help me to bring this aspect of writing into my personal journal writing and I am thankful for the opportunity to broaden my writing in that way.

            I think throughout this assignment my emotions have somewhat been influenced by culture and society.  Some of this is played out in my previous journal entries, like the one where I am not bold in my proclamation of living for the Lord because I am nervous of what my friend might say or think.  This was so eye opening!  As hard as that was to see how I failed in that way I am so thankful for that happening because it taught me a great and valuable lesson.  I only want to answer to the Lord and not worry about human opinions.  Human opinions are unpredictable and changing and if I put my hope in the Lord I will never be let down and never have to be striving for anything ridiculous because He will guide me the whole way.  I needed to be reminded of that this semester and in writing these journal entries I have come to realize that!  I think I communicated my emotions as effectively as I could.  I don’t think I did it perfectly, but I also think this type of story telling takes time and practice.  I am sure that if I continue this process and look back in a year I will see leaps and bounds in my writing style.  That being said, I am confident in my work presently and have learned and grown in myself that I can’t be disappointed, even if the grade doesn’t match up to how I feel.

            I think that value of writing and telling this story was priceless.  Yes, I realize how cheesy that can sound but think about it.  No one else has ever told this story, in this way.  Amongst our class, everyone has written a uniquely them story!  Taking that a step further, not only am I the only one who has ever written this story but I also got something out of it that no one else will, a sense of peace and encouragement.  I got a sense of peace because throughout writing this I was constantly reminded of how my God was with me, throughout each sentence I wrote and throughout each event I wrote about.  I found encouragement in the fact that during this process the Lord pointed out areas for me to work on.  In doing this assignment the Lord took as an opportunity for a spiritual growth lesson!  I think that is what is so cool about God, He is always using things to teach you and if you are open to those lessons you can learn something out of every situation.  I think writing this did change my life in some way because I believe we are being molded each day into the person God intends us to be.  I think this was a great outlet in order to grow in my faith and definitely feel that I have made a difference in how I look at certain instances of my past now and how I look at my future.  I look at my past as a gift from God.  My past was needed in order to make me into the person I am today.  God let everything in my past happen because he knew I could handle it and come out on top, glorifying Him.  To look back now and know that, I am beyond thankful for every thing “bad” that has ever happened to me in my life and I am excited to see just how the Lord will use that in my future.  I look at my future as an open slate, an open canvas with God as the artist.  I like to think of Him painting a beautiful picture of my life and inserting me into places where He thinks I can make the most impact speaking and sharing with other the glory of God Himself.  I am utterly honored to be looked at by the Almighty Father as a tool for His works.  Me.  Robyn Oakley.  He picked me and is just as honored for me to be following Him and wanting to learn from Him.  HA! It really makes me laugh because it is so unbelievable.  I guess I got a bit off track but that is what happens when I am thinking about the Lord and writing, I told you :).   I am a survivor of my past and a warrior for God to my future.  With God by my side I can battle any worldly frustration, temptation, and humiliation.  This assignment has allowed me to explore the depths of my feelings for the Lord and helped me realize, no matter where I think I may be in life one thing stands firm.  That is, I am so totally amazed by God and am useless without Him.

That you may walk (live and conduct yourselves) in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him and desiring to please Him in all things, bearing fruit in every good work and steadily growing and increasing in and by the knowledge of God [with fuller, deeper, and clearer insight, acquaintance, and recognition]. 

- Colossians 1: 10

Difference

1 Peter 4:16-19

New International Version (NIV)

Suffering for Being a Christian

¹⁶ However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. ¹⁷ For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? ¹⁸ And,   “If it is hard for the righteous to be saved,
   what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?”^[a]
 19 So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

This scripture was recommended to me to read today by Allison Stowell (http://steadfaststowell.blogspot.com) <--her AWESOME blog! Anyway, this just about jumped from the screen and slapped me in the face, and I love when that happens! Don't you?

If we suffer or take judgment because we are Christians, praise the Lord!  That means we are distinguishing ourselves and being noticed as Christians.  We should be concerned if we asked the Lord into our hearts and nothing else has changed.  If no one notices a change in you after you have decided to live for the Lord you should probably do some re-evaluation of how you are living.

Those are definitely some words of encouragement perhaps if you are in transition to living for Christ or getting back on the right path towards righteousness and feel like no one else is with you, or everyone you use to know and associate with is heading down another road.  The Lord sees the effort you are making and it is comforting to know people see there is something different about you! That difference is called Christ!

God knows the path of righteousness is a hard one.  His grace and mercy would not be as special if it was a piece of cake.  He designed it so we need to rely on Him and only Him to get through situations and problems that arise in life.  To know I need the Lord and turn to Him when times get tough does not mean I am invincible to hurt, sorrow or pain.  It does however ease all of that and help me place trust in the Lord to help me overcome any hardship.  When I think of nonbelievers going through the same life struggles without our Heavenly Father for guidance and love my heart is saddened.  It is easy to see without God how one problem can whirlwind into a place called rock bottom.

That is why I embrace my judgment as a Christian and thank the Lord for the opportunity that presents to possibly touch someone who doesn't know the Lord.  Today I was reminded my responsibilities as a Christian and to be careful with how I handle situations because I am a representation of Christ when I do so, whether good or bad.  If it is hard as a Christian to be saved and I am going around actin' a fool around non-Christians how is that helping them to come to know the Lord? Answer: it isn't. It will only encourage more foolishness and in the process I am hurting my own walk as well.

I do not think you can claim yourself to be a Christian while at the same time being ashamed to be called one.  That is like saying you are a natural brunette when you really just have this tacky cheap brown wig over your true hair color.  Everyone can see through it and you are uncomfortable trying to fit into a category in which you do not.  Are you ashamed when you suffer as a Christian or do you praise God? Because without Him there would be constant and eternal suffering.

I'm a Christian

            How do you describe yourself? As a mother or father? As a son or daughter? As a sister or brother? As a sports fan? By your job title? By your personality? By your accomplishments?  By your talents?  If you asked me two years ago I would have said I was a daughter, sister, friend, track athlete, and a student.  That is how I would have defined myself and would have thought that was a pretty accurate depiction of who I was as a person.  Looking back now I just see a huge gaping hole in that description.  First and foremost I am a Christian.  My purpose here on this earth is to know God and make Him known.  That is not to say I that I do not fall into those other categories but they are just avenues God blessed me with in order to share who He is and spread His word.  I am a Christian who just so happens to run track and be a student, not a student or athlete who just happens to be a Christian.  I would not be attending school at USF if it weren’t for God’s blessing me with the ability to run.  To quote my friend Christine, “running is just a gift I am borrowing from the Lord”, so I will use this blessing for how God intends me to.  Whether that is directly through running every race for Him or by using the place where I am in life right now as an athlete to reach others with God’s good news.  I now think of my other descriptions and ask myself “How does the Lord want me to use this position to reach others and to glorify Him while I am here?”  What are your titles or categories and what is the Lord asking you to do with them?

"Make known among the nations what He has done, and proclaim that His name is exalted" 

-Isaiah 12:4

My Love Relationship

 I am taking a course called Communicating Emotions this semester.  For our big assignment of the semester, we are keeping a journal and then elaborating off one specific story for a presentation at the end of the semester.  The directions are to pick an emotion, relationship or situation that we are currently involved in as the focus.  I thought about how cool it would be to write about my relationship with the Lord.  

For one reason, it is easy for me to write about and will feel more like a hobby, or just time to spend with the Lord than an assignment.  Another reason I wanted to write about God is that I thought how awesome it would be to have an opportunity to reach someone in my class who maybe knows nothing about the Lord.  This is my first journal entry and I as a warning it is a tad long, it had to be 4-6 pages but it was enjoyable to write and got me thinking a lot about my past couple years here at college and how my relationship started and now is growing and flourishing with Christ.            

            Emotions. They are an interesting phenomenon. They, in my opinion, are what define a relationship.  The emotions you feel when learning and growing with someone are vital to keep it going.  If you have a special connection with that person, emotions can overwhelm you to the point where whatever you say and however you try to convey your thanks and own feelings never seem to be enough.  I’ve been blessed enough to experience this kind of relationship.  That is, my relationship with my Lord and Savior.

            I didn’t always know the Lord like I do now.  I didn’t always have a relationship with Him.  I used to use Him as a lifeline when I was in trouble.  I use to live my life by worldly desires and standards, getting caught up in situations where I felt like I was drowning and overwhelmed.  Only then would God hear a word from me.  My life was so blinded; I didn’t feel I had a choice in any matter.  When something bad would happen to me I would ask God why He let that happen.  In my head I thought I knew exactly what constituted good morals but then would turn around and do the exact opposite and not understand why my life felt so dim.  I felt like I was walking in darkness, running into things left and right, not seeing what God was placing right in front of me, and that was salvation.

            The Lord started working on my heart through a Bible study I attended called Athletes in Action.  Through discussion and dissection of the word I started to realize all the areas of my life that desperately needed the Lord.  The Holy Spirit was on point and in tune with tugging at my heart.  I’d sometimes ignore those feelings, fooling myself that I was content with the life I was living, but the tugs still came and thank the Lord they did!

            The moment that sticks out in my mind where I fully felt the magnitude of God’s grace and love was when I was sitting with my friend and mentor, Allison.  She asked me on a scale of 1 to 10 whether I thought I was going to heaven.  I said an 8 after much thought and uncertainty.  That was when Allison assured me that it is a 10 as long as I ask God into my heart because He has already died for my sins.  Holy moly the feeling I had in my heart that day!  It felt as light as air; relief and awe at the Lord’s mercy.  I felt giddy like a kid on Christmas and couldn’t wipe my smile off my face the rest of the day.

            I felt as if I finally understood after years of guessing and wondering.  I don’t have to do anything for the Lord but I should want to for that exact reason.  I am so unworthy of the Lord’s gift of eternal life that I want to do everything I can to thank Him and bring Him glory while I am here on earth.  God equipped me with certain gifts and I want to use each and every one of those to bring Him glory, because He has blessed me with the gift to do so.  God designed our hearts to want a relationship with Him, and that is why before I had an intimate relationship with Him, part of my life felt so empty. 

            Before I knew the Lord, I struggled a lot with confidence and it is still something that through prayer and trust I am trying to get over.  I didn’t have confidence in my appearance, in my thoughts, how I acted.  I was never sure of myself and always seeking worldly opinions and listening to advice just for the sake of thinking it was better then my own decision.  I didn’t like people to be upset with me; therefore, I bought into their ideas and followed along in order to appease them.

            In my walk leading up to coming to know the Lord, I had to go through some rough times.  I was faced with moments of my past that haunted me and certain people in my life would not let me forget them.  In order to feel Christ’s true forgiveness, I had to forgive myself.  I remember the moment perfectly when I first truly sensed God’s forgiveness.  I was at work and had left to walk outside to talk to the person I was trying to convince I was a new creation in the Lord.  This person did not want to hear what I had to say and couldn’t understand how that could be possible.  I remember crying trying to convey to them how I felt this and just wished they could see it the same way.  I was sitting on the cold ground and all of a sudden a light went off in my head.  I felt God enter my thoughts and calm me instantly.  I felt His presence and that it said, “I believe you, I know you are a beautiful new creation in my image and I’d love you even if you weren’t”.  Those tears of sadness turned quickly into tears of happiness and thanks and I was able to stand firm in God’s truth about myself and not worry about anything else.  That was the start of my confidence change.  It took a lot of relying on the Lord to see it grow but over the past couple months He has definitely shown my reasons in my life to feel confident and had guided me through some situations that I would have been extremely hard to overcome if it weren’t for my trust in His plan.

            The first emotion I feel when I even think of the Lord is love.  This type of love feels overwhelming, like there is not enough room in your own heart for so much love.  That is why I like to think of God’s love filling me up to the point where that love spills over unto others.  To experience the immense power and peace of God’s love can only be described as incredible.  Another emotion that comes to mind when I think of the Lord is gratitude.  There is no way I’d be where I am today without the Lord.  I have come so far in who I am and where I stand for myself.  I get goose bumps and am sometimes brought to tears when I think of all the Lord has done for me and how He has turned my life towards a path that leads straight to Him. 

            Regardless of people’s responses to how I acted, one thing remained constant: they definitely saw a change.  Most of my family and friends have been supportive, happy, and proud of my coming to know the Lord and how I now carry myself.  It is awesome to get encouragement from them and I can only hope that in some way I do the same for them.  Others; however, have said that I have changed for the worst or have now become a “Jesus-freak”.  Those people I cannot be angry at, because they are entitled to their opinion I just pray one day that opinion can be changed.  Yes I have changed, I cannot deny that, but I would not change it for anything and feel so much better about myself because of it.  I feel I have become more in tune with my feelings and feelings of others.  I do not worry about how my life will turn out because I trust in the Lord’s plan for me.  I do not fear death because I know I will have eternal life in heaven, and am excited for that day to come.  I have more confidence in myself and know God loves me for me, flaws included.  I know that to Him, they are not even flaws because how I am made is perfectly in His image and He designed me this way for a reason. 

            Like I started out saying, sometimes in relationships you feel that no matter how hard you try and convey your emotions, they will never be enough to show how you feel.  The amazing thing about my relationship with the Lord is that even though I sometimes cannot put into words or actions how I feel, He still knows.  He knows every emotion that I have ever felt and am ever going to feel and He feels these along with me.  He knows my heart and exactly what makes it flutter, love, or even break.  He allows me to feel all these feelings with a guiding hand right next to me the whole time.  He does not leave my side for a problem that is “too big” because nothing is too big for the Lord.  He allows feelings, situations and instances to come into my life and help me grow in my faith and become the woman He intended me to be.

 "So flee youthful passion and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."

- 2 Timothy 2:22

           

My Bridal Story

Over the summer I read a book along with my Bible study with some of my sisters at USF.  The book was Completely His by Shannon Ethridge. 

First of all, AMAZING BOOK!!!! I recommend to any girl or woman out there who happens to read this. I cried through parts of this book for just how Shannon describes the amazing wonder of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and how He has every intention to mend our hearts and sees us as His perfect and righteous bride.

Second, there was a part in the book where she laid out how we can write our own testimony, or bridal story.  I wanted to share mine and in turn maybe inspire you to write your own.

Today I am living a life that is mended, complete, and satisfying.

But it wasn't always this way.  I used to struggle with having no direction in my life and focused too much on others opinions.  I'd want attention from anyone who would give it to me and would feed off compliments from them in order to feel worthy and good about myself.  I didn't have guidelines in my life which at times caused for bad decisions.  I had no clue the realization of what it felt like to be completely loved by God.  I thought I had everything figured out on my own.

Then, I recognized God's lavish love for me.  Although my life isn't perfect, I am confident in who I am and that is Robyn Oakley, a daughter of God.  I am perfect in His eyes because He created me.  I am made new in His image and have been totally forgiven for my sinful nature.  I am beautiful because the Lord made me and He doesn't make mistakes.  I am how I am because God created me this way for a purpose only I can fulfill.  Although I don't know that full purpose on earth, God does and I trust in Him to show me and guide me so that it can be fulfilled in His glory.

"Never again will you be called "The Forsaken City" or "The Desolate Land." Your new name will be "The City of God's Delight" and "The Bride of God," for the LORD delights in you and will claim you as his bride" -Isaiah 62:4

Thankful

 So as you all know, God's plans for us and our own plans sometimes line up very differently.  In this case it was in terms of my sleeping schedule :) I thought I was going to get to bed extra early last night and "catch up" on some sleep. 

I was praying to the Lord and thinking back on this time last year and all that has happened and all the ways my life has improved with His guidance that I was so overwhelmed with thanks.  

So instead of sleeping I got up and wrote this.  I really love when something like this happens because I have a total sense that it is just the Lord working through my words because there is no other way to describe the ease in which all these words form together.

Whew.

Deep Breath,

Look back,

The past,

Rewind.

To see how I used to live,

without God.

Crazy.

I was blind

To freedom, opportunity, all the Lords plans for me.

To see how sometimes I acted you could say I didn't even care for me.

Let alone others.

Selfish in my thoughts,

binded by sin,

I thought, "if I was just the best at 'this'", then I would win.

But what's winning on earth

if you loose life in the end?

Overwhelming is the feeling of thanks to my Lord.

Pulled me up by the bootstraps,

gave me a slap,

a reality check

that I very much needed.

If you want to gain life then you can't be conceited.

So I pushed on toward Christ,

I simply proceeded

to pray, 

to ask God to open my eyes.

I was sick and tired of believing the lies.

He showed me His truth and His unending grace.

I was reduced to tears, streaming down my face.

Tears of happiness,

Tears of awe.

To gain what I received I did nothing at all.

Total salvation, eternity I am gifted.

All the burdens of my sin lifted.

He deems me worthy and I ask "how?"

and I hear:

"From a year ago today, just look at you now.

I loved you then and before your existence

the only difference now is your change in resistance."

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

-Romans 12:2

Truth Over Doubt!

Doubt. Sheesh, I do not like that word. You know who loves that word though? Yup, the devil himself.  Satan loves to place doubt in your life. 

He loves to tell you your not good enough:
for someone who treats you right,
to be a light and example to others,
to stand up for what you believe in.

He loves to tell you your not worthy so you might as well settle:
for that job you don't like but society does,
for those words people say behind your back or to your face,
for people in your life who are not a positive Christlike influence.

What is oddly comforting to me is to know these thoughts are a direct result of the devil sneaking in my life from outside influences.  Why I say this is comforting is because of a phrase I love to remember: when the devil is working God is working twice as hard! Do you think God would leave you to fend for yourself in the face of adversity? Heck no! He never leaves your side and through Him you hold the power to overcome any doubt. To combat that doubt with truth from God's written word.

"then Jesus told them, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and don't doubt, you can do things like this and much more.  You can even say to this mountain, 'May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea', and it will happen."

- Matthew 21:21

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

- 2 Corinthians 12:9

"for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory." 

- Deuteronomy 20:4

"I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you." 

- Luke 10:19

"Little children, let no one deceive you! The one who does what is right is righteous, just as He is righteous. The one who commits sin if of the Devil, for the Devil has sinned from the beginning.  The son of God was revealed for this purpose: to destroy the Devil's works."

- 1 John 3:7-8

What Is It Like?

I found this in a copybook I had from last semester.  I remember my mind just filling with all these questions about heaven so I decided to write them down.  Some seem silly but it is just where my mind took me this night!

What is it like?

Do we walk, run, float, or fly to get there?

Or are we just all of a sudden, there?

Is there a line at the gates?

Are crowds of people we know waiting to greet and welcome us in?

Can we even find our voice when we see Him?

Does our whole life pan out in front of us?

Do we get hungry? Thirsty? Tired?

Do we get to pick what age we want to be?

Do we do the same activities we did on earth?

Do we discover new talents we didn't know we had?

Do we have endless talents?

Do we meet people we've never met on earth that have somehow impacted our lives?

Are we sad to find out someone we loved did not make it?

Do we finally understand?

Do we glow with righteousness?

Are we different?

If our earthly imperfections were transformed then we'd have to be different.

Is there transportation? Is there a need for it?

Are there any needs?

Do we need to bathe? Brush our teeth? Take care of our appearance?

Or is everything so perfect that it is already taken care of?

Is there hangouts or interaction among the people?

Do we learn everyones story? 

Everyones journey?

What is your journey?

What is it like?

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.

—John 14:1-3

Acrostic

Have you ever done an acrostic poem in grade school or middle school when you were growing up?  The ones where you write out your name vertically then think of adjectives that describes you for each letter of your name.  They would all be fabulous positive adjectives.  I mean who would actually put something bad even if they truly felt that way.  There is nothing wrong with that either but I just started thinking of this one day and decided to be real with my acrostic poem.  I made one with how I truly felt before I came to know Christ personally and I also made a revised one now that I know the Lord has blessed me with His unending grace and love.

Reluctant
Overlooked
Broken
Yearning for fulfillment
Never satisfied

This one is obviously the one reflecting my "before" or my yellow grass phase like I mentioned in my other post.  The crazy part about this is that I didn't truly realize I was feeling this way until I grew in the Lord and started to look back and be thankful for all He has brought me out of.

Refreshed
One of a Kind
Beautiful daughter
Yes to His calling
Never alone

This acrostic resembles how not only God looks at me but how I have started to look at myself.  It was really encouraging for me to do this and I recommend trying it out for yourself! 

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.

- 2 Peter 1:3

Stepping Forward

Okay, so this post is so totally God speaking because I found it in my journal and don't even remember sitting down and thinking to write this.  The Lord had something to say to me I guess!  I hope He can say something to you through this as well.

I once didn't know:

The love of God

What it felt like to converse with Him

How to trust Him

But I'm stepping forward

He calls me forward.

I look back on shame and the past

But He washed it away, and pushed me--forward.

I'm stepping forward

Into the light, which reveals flaws

And with gentle guidance those flaws are one by one worked on with patience

Patience that stands the test of time

That is unfailing.

That is immovable.

That is there to fall back on if you slip up.

I'm stepping forward--into strong hands

With that kind of guarantee why wouldn't I trust?

Easier said then done I suppose.

But why?

What have I ever gone through or struggled with that compares to being beaten and crucified for millions of unworthy souls?

But worthy in His eyes,

I'm stepping forward.

Whew! Comforting isn't it? The only one who is truly perfect and has every right to condemn us for how imperfect and sinful we are, doesn't.  Not only that but He calls us worthy and shows us grace for everything we have ever done to dishonor Him, ourselves or anyone else.  Can I get a God is good?!

Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory.

- Romans 5:2

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.

- Psalm 143:10

Grass is Greener

On my run today, also known as, my daily date with the Lord, I was thinking of the phrase “the grass is always greener on the other side.” I found it so fitting to apply in terms of the Lord’s impact on my life.  Before, when I just kept God as a lifeline when I was in trouble, the grass in my field was hurtin’. You know the yellow straw kind with more dirt then grass itself? That’s where I lived.  Sure, I had good times but they weren’t as satisfying because I wasn’t glorifying.  And when I hit a low point. Look out. Pity party? Check. Worrying to the point of over exaggeration? Check.  A lot of things felt like too much, like I couldn’t possibly survive on my own.  That is because I couldn’t. I can’t. And I never will be able to.  I need the Lord to sustain me, to pick up my worries and doubts and carry them on His shoulders and bless me with a grace beyond my understanding.

The Lord instills a peace to take on everyday and love for Him.  I need the Lord to make that straw grass in my life so green and plush that there is too much for me and it spills out to others around me.  I see more good times because trusting in the Lord and drawing close to Him opens my eyes to opportunities I would have otherwise overlooked.  With God, everything seems greener.  Even the low points have a green tint because I know it is promising in my fulfillment in the Lord and His plan.  With God I can pack up those once overwhelming problems and just stick them in my pocket because I know He has so much more in store for me in my life to waste it on dwelling or self pity.  If I need to be a voice to someone else who is struggling in that straw field I would gladly push aside my own issues and hand them some fertilizer to get that beautiful lawn God intended growing.  There is plenty to go around because the Lord’s love is endless.

I don’t know whether you are living in a field of straw or grass but I’ll ask you this: do you use God as a lifeline, spread Him on real quick like miracle grow and expect something to happen.  Or is your relationship with God an everyday engagement like a gardener fertilizing, weeding and watering?  One takes a bit more commitment but it does not even began to compare to the commitment the Lord has made to us. 

What do you want your field to look like?

“When you see these things, your heart will rejoice. You will flourish like the grass! Everyone will see the LORD's hand of blessing on his servants--and his anger against his enemies.”

–Isaiah 66:14

Unexpected Upgrades

It's funny how sometimes you don't know how little you knew until you take a look back. 
Never to regret, God has too much grace for that. 
No, just to absorb the immense greatness of God's power and timing. 
You can be trying your absolute hardest in life to hold things together yet they never seem to work out how you want them to. 

Do you notice the mistakes in that sentence?
YOUR absolute hardest, how YOU want them to.
They are not working out for a reason.
God wants us to hand over the reigns to Him, He wants us to stop fighting Him tooth and nail how to live our lives and just let Him.

Let Him take over and take control.
He already and always is in absolute control so why not make it easier.
If you find it hard to do this and are having trouble but want to, ask God to come in and change your life.
You will be surprised at how quickly God rips out your "stuffing-the-wrong-puzzle-pieces-into-the-puzzle-of-life" foundation and starts moving things around according to His plan.

I won't lie and say this part isn't at times scary and confusing but I can promise you the more you place your trust in God the easier things seem.
Pretty soon the confusion and dark clouds of being "unsure" will part and you will see clearly why the Lord had you trust Him.
The light He reveals is amazing and worth all the trials set in your path.
Keep pushing forward and gaining strength.
Strength to take on the next trial head on.
Walk down the road of trials and troubles, this life on earth, with your head held high towards the Lord, because you know whats at the end of the road.
Life.

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

                                                                                             -John 16:33

UTC!

I wrote a short paragraph explaining my experience at UTC a while ago and also have the letter I sent out to my supporters which explains what UTC is a little bit more.  I know I'm posting a lot at once I just wanted to get all of these in the same place :]

 Who knew you could feel totally, wholly, and completely loved and feel absolutely unworthy at the same time. That is what I felt going through UTC. To be pushed physically to where I had to rely solely on Jesus alone to get me through the S.P.E.C.I.A.L.’s 20 hours of physical activity does not give the experience justice. In my right mind, or perhaps my wrong or worldly mind, I could not move my body. As soon as a thought like that threatened to cross my mind; however, I would counter it with, “He did unthinkably more for you…do not quit!” With those thoughts my body felt recharged and I felt like I could do anything, in Jesus’ name. To complain about my body hurting after the S.P.E.C.I.A.L or to complain about anything in life would be like a slap in the face for all Christ did for us. So instead, I embrace my sore ligaments and bruised body and trade that all in for a want for a whole heart in the Lord. How interesting that what keeps the physical body pumping also is what keeps the spiritual blood pumping, but I’d offer up an arm or a leg any day if it meant I gained a righteous heart. That’s what UTC taught me. To be humbled in God’s grace and offer everything you do in life up to Him.

To My Supporters,

As you all know, I spent a week in Fort Collins, CO at Colorado State University from May 29th to June 4th for a Christian based athletic camp run by Athletes in Action called, the Ultimate Training Camp.  The camp consisted of a couple days of learning about biblical principles and how to apply them to everyday life, zoning in especially on applying it to your sport.  The end of this camp ended in something called the S.P.E.C.I.A.L, which is a multisport marathon that lasted approximately 20 hours to push us to our physical limits. This tested how we handled stress, fatigue and unthinkable odds with the newly learned principles and outlook towards our sport and life.

The last night of camp I shared with my peers and I’d like to share with you as well, how God has a knack for perfect timing.  I was supposed to go to the first week of this camp but God knew I needed to go the second week.  It was great timing in my life to be totally open in my mind and in my heart and be so willing to listen and take advice.  At points it was very difficult because the signs and things God was teaching me were very blunt and upfront and ultimately life changing.  This is where the big word came into play, trust.  Little by little I let go of the reigns I was trying to hold onto for so long and let God take the lead.  In doing so, I have seen many changes and have had a relief and peace about my life that I am so very thankful for.

It was a great experience to be in such a tight knit environment where everyone was focused on the same thing to get them through life’s obstacles.  The fact that everyone’s focus was on Jesus to get them through was an even greater experience and I have learned so much through every person that was at the camp.  Through personal conversations with them, hearing their testimonies, or just witnessing how they interact and apply God in their lives was so encouraging and taught me how to take a step back sometimes and truly see what God is trying to show me through other people placed in my life.

One expectation I had going into this camp was to learn how to deal with my sport; whether I be having a standout season, or I felt I was not competing the best I could.  I will be the first to say that even after going through this experience, it will take time and effort to reform my selfish ways of feeling sorry for myself when I don’t compete well.  I also will tell you that this camp has completely changed my outlook on life and my sport and I will now consciously make the effort to put God first in my life and let everything else follow, including competitions.  I am excited to bring back to my campus what I have learned and hope to reach out to other girls on my team and possibly disciple them, not only for their sport but in their walk with God as well.

I want to thank each of you again because without you I would not be sitting here typing out my life changing experience.  None of this would even be possible if I didn’t receive such generous and heartfelt support!  God started my journey when I received your letters and support by showing me how truly blessed I am to have so many people who care enough about me to invest time and money into an experience that I will cherish for the rest of my life.  My complete sincere thanks for your support and prayers!

                                                                               

                                                                                                Love,

                                                                                                Robyn Oakley

Love

Love?
What is love?
What is the difference between love and lust?
Love and selfish gain?
Love and comfort?
Love and scared to move forward?
Love and scared to be alone?
Love and scared of the unknown?
Love and jealousy?
The difference is that there isn't a difference.
It just isn't love.
With the love of God there is no need for questions.
With the Lord's love, a sacred marriage is more important than lust.
The Lord's love is selfless -- He gave His only son for our sins.
God's love is constant comfort but we choose His love because it is so much more than that.
Love from the Lord eliminates fear and gives us that push to move forward.
We are never alone with God's love. His love is unwavering and unchanging.
The unknown holds excitement with God's love, it is not scary.
God does get jealous, a righteous jealous.  He gets sad when our eyes are not completely fixed on Him first and foremost.
Just because you love someone does not mean you should be together, but because you love God and He chooses you to be together, you are eternally loved.
God ALWAYS chooses you.
God's love is sacred, selfless, constant, fearless, unwavering, exciting and understanding.
With God there is no if's, and's or but's.
There are no questions.
God is love.

"Love is patient and kind.
Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.
Love does not demand its own way.
Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.
It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Love will last forever"
- 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Never Alone

God speaking left and right to me
Shouting out loud and whispering in my ear
He will not let me stand alone, I have nothing to fear
To feel pain everywhere and still feel incomparable
What the Lord went through for us is way past relatable
To even think of the life before I knew Him like this
What else in life did I miss?
But He says not to worry because in His righteous right hand He holds the ultimate plan
I'm so thirsty for His knowledge I want to know more
To think I could handle life on my own? I knew nothing before
People and situations in your life
He has brought in to mold you
I am thankful for them all,
even the ones I told you were
hardships
because they made me stronger
Yeah, with the Lord on my side I can push a little longer

Worth

               Have you ever felt unworthy?  What was the cause of that feeling?  Most likely it is from worldly expectations or other people's opinions.  If we live our lives according to others opinions of us we will never be happy, and it is virtually impossible.  While talking to my friend and fabulous mentor, Allison, she pointed out that people's thoughts and opinions are fickle and changing, so you can never possibly satisfy them all.  One of the absolutely amazing qualities of the Lord is that He already is satisfied with you, no matter what you do.  Whether you come in first or last place, ace a test or fail, if you get invited to this party or not, God still wants to congratulate you and love you and you will always extend His invitation to eternal life.  I'd take that invitation over an invite to a party anyday!

              Your worth is not defined by the people you know, activities you do or how well you do them.  If you put your worth in God's hands you will always be satisfied.  God is always fulfilling.  Always complete.  Always in your corner and your biggest fan.  God doesn't make mistakes.  Like Jonny Diaz says in his song "Beautiful You", "There can never be a more beautiful you, don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops they make you jump through. You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do so there could never be a more beautiful you"  Those lyrics are so true and resonate strongly as God's own message through the Bible:

"But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus--the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God."

- Act 20:24

and

"But I have spared you for a purpose--to show you my power and to spread my fame throughout the earth."

-Exodus 9:16

You are beautiful.  You are here on this earth for a purpose.  God already knows that purpose and sees you as worthy to fulfill it.  You are the only one that can be you!  Embrace who you are live for God, because in Him you are always worthy!

Random Observation

As I was trying to come up with what to title this page I pulled out my fanciest tools. Yup, that's right, Microsoft Word to look up synonyms. I was trying to be clever and come up with an alliteration (?) and typed in the word faith to see what wonderful synonyms would pop up.  I just had to write them down when I saw them! The words that came up next to faith were: confidence, trust, reliance, assurance, conviction, belief, devotion and loyalty!! Whoa right?!? It's like God typed in those words! It just proved to me the importance of faith in relationships with the Lord. 

Talk about tools, faith is the number one tool that holds a relationship with God together.  As Micorsoft Word pointed out to me, if you have faith then you have all those wonderful synonyms as well.  Faith brings you confidence in the Lords power, which further develops your trust in His plan for you and the situations that happen in your life.  We need to totally rely on the Lord and surrender to Him to get assurance that He has everything under control. Conviction is a sure fire way to know the Lord is working in your life and sparks your faith to be tested.  When you believe in God and His divine sovereignty it draws you closer to Him and drives you to want to devote more time to Him, giving Him glory in every situation that arises; good or bad.  All of this proving your loyalty to the One who doesn't know how to be disloyal.  Who never leaves your side even when your blinded by worldy things and lose focus.  Who is the light in the darkness and the compass to eternal life!

One little word with immense meaning behind it.  Faith. 

"When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.

 - Romans 1:12

First Post!

So I wrote this a couple days ago but just wanted to see how this whole blog scene worked!

On my run today, as I usually do, I gave a little "thank you!" to God everytime I hit a patch of shade, got a feel of a nice breeze, or hit that downhill slope.  I began thinking towards the end of my run how appropriate this can fit into everyday life.  How often and easy is it for me to thank God when things are going great and I'm on that easy downhill path of life.  What do I do when I come around the bend and see no shade in sight and I can barely see from the sweat pouring down my face?  Am I thanking God even when I'm on that seemingly impossible uphill with the sun shining right in my eyes?  I should be.  Those are the times I need to most; when God is using hardships in my life to break down parts of me and build them back up better in His image.
God's work is always good, even when I can't even begin to think of a finish line.  Like Col 3:17 says, "And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father." God doesn't throw at me anything He know I can't handle, so why not thank Him for the lesson's that hardships in life are teaching me; molding me to become a better Christian. Another comforting passage for me concerning these ideas is 1 Tim 4:4 "Since everything God created is good, we should not reject any of it but receive it with thanks."  Okay! There is nothing my God created that isn't good? I'm so down with that! That's like a foolproof reason not to thank Him for everything.