Sunday, November 11, 2012

Veteran's Honor

Soldiers. Warriors. Veterans. Heroes.
It takes a special kind of heart,
to take on that duty, that title.
To follow a call, 
to depart
across the nation; 
to protect the nation
with strength, integrity and passion.
Going to unimaginable lengths...
taking on hardships, trials and death 
so we can live in
Peace.
War - Piece by piece taking our hearts and our loved ones
Satan wanting to gain control of our lives piece by piece.
But the true victory of Christ brings the ultimate peace.
It burdens my heart, the number of fallen soldiers,
seen to the world as just that: "a number"
But Christ sees every soul affected, 
rocks them in His arms when they can't slumber.
He knows every hair on these heroes heads
He feels every physical hurt, absorbs their blood that is shed.
He knows every emotion, fear and hope written on their hearts,
shining a light of hope for them to navigate in the dark.
For God's Word promises in 1 Corinthians 15
"sown in corruption, raised in incorruption"
hope in our Lord supersedes all destruction
"sown in dishonor, raised in glory"
Christ defeating death is the happy end to any story
"sown in weakness, raised in power"
The Lord offers strength and peace, no matter the hour.
"sown a natural body, raised a spiritual body"
Glorious resurrection for us, is the promise from He
The battle behind the battle
Spiritual behind the physical
The understanding of "why?" seems beyond critical
Why heartache?
Why pain?
Why death?
Why loss?
...sometimes we're not granted an answer,
that's why we place hope in the cross.
True victory,
pushing us on, through the loss.
God's Word proclaims:
"Death has been swallowed up in victory"
Knowing this does not mean we don't miss,
but it allows us to smile thinking of our loved ones in pure bliss.
"O Death, where is your victory?
O Death, where is your sting?"
Gone. Evaporated. Forever,
in the power of our King.
Our Veterans, true heroes
leave a legacy way past words.
Their actions have a voice and deserve to be heard.

"So it is with the resurrection of the dead:
Sown in corruption, raise in incorruption;
sown in dishonor, raised in glory;
sown in weakness, raised in power;
sown a natural body, raised a spiritual body."
"But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!"
- 1 Corinthians 15: 42-44, 57



Friday, November 9, 2012

Happy Birthday, Daddy!


It was my Daddy's birthday yesterday and I wanted to write him a birthday-lovin' poem :) It is funny because the style of this writing came out sounding a little child-like, but I think that is perfect because that is still how I feel around my Dad--like his little girl :) Happy Birthday, Daddy! I love you!

Gentle.
Is the first word that comes to mind
When I think of you and how you are kind
To everyone; your heart is so sweet
Soft spoken and genuine to all people you meet
Patience.
Is another word to describe your love.
Having me as a daughter called for it beyond and above.
Always supportive, no matter what I had done.
Having you as my daddy? Yup, I definitely won.
Selfless.
Doing all for your family and none for yourself
What you have given us far exceeds wealth
Comfort, love, laughs, safety and strength
When it comes to supporting us, you go to great lengths
Precious.
There is something about you, dad that makes my heart skip.
There’s a spot in my heart carved out for Daddy that I trust you will never rip.
The things you say and encouragement you give hold so much weight.
Spending time with you is like an ideal date.
Funny.
Countless jokes and funny stories
Your humor is witty and quick, like a cool breeze
No matter what you say, it’s just funny because you’re dad.
I could go on and on listing the fun times we’ve had.
Hardworking.
Is a trait instilled in who you are.
Providing and setting an example so we can go far.
Working long hours, fixing everything around.
No where, from you could a complaint be found
Generous.
Not only with your love but also with your time
I pray to possess half of that quality that you have as mine
Always thinking of others and doing favors for them
If I need you for something the only question asked is “when?”
Daddy.
Is how I will describe you last.
It’s my title for you—future, present and past.
Nothing will change, I’m forever your “girlie”
I love you, Dad and thank you for loving me.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Almost Missed

Okay so this has been on my heart to write for a little while now, but it's cool because I know this will speak to someone's heart tonight or else I wouldn't be writing it.

Background story:
At my church's weekly women's Bible study we were talking about how God is a God of miracles, but how sadly we overlook or are blind to the ways in which He is miraculously working in our lives. 

I really felt saddened by this.  "God, please, let me see through Your eyes", I prayed, "help me to see instances where someone needs You and give me the love, discernment and boldness to do so"

Little did I know how amazingly true this prayer would play out the following day.

So the next day after I drop my roommate, Sarah, off on campus, I am pulling back into our apartment complex and see this boy sitting on the curb by our gate's entrance.  My heart is instantly pulled towards him.  As I drive past I feel my heart strings drawing me to him and smile at him as I pass.  He looked so...dejected.  Just terribly sad, and it broke my heart.

Almost instantly I turn back around--not knowing what I am going to do but just compelled to do something.  I pull up and roll down the window "Hey...are you okay?" He gently nodded and gave me an unconvincing thumbs up.  "Are you sure?" is my next question which he follows with another slow nod.

As I drive away, I start talking to myself..."of course he is not okay, Robyn" then I got the sense that the Lord was saying "more, daughter, do more"  I started praying, "Okay God I know you want me to do something for this boy but what should I do?" BINGO! God reminded me I had scripture written out and in the middle console of my car: 

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity"
-Jeremiah 29:11-14

Okay Lord. You want me to give him that scripture.  I fought my flesh thinking "Gosh, he is going to think I am pretty silly driving past him now for a third time" but I felt God pushing gently "If you offer it and he declines, great.  I taught you a lesson in boldness.  If you offer it and he accepts, great.  I spoke to my son."  I was reminded of what my other roommate, Mallory had said, if we are filled with Christ, we should not be afraid to speak out because He alone gives us the ability to do so. 
That was all I needed to grab the piece of paper with Jeremiah 29:11-14 on it, pull my car forward and roll down the window.  "Hey, sorry to come around again but I just wanted to offer you some encouragement", I say as I hand out the piece of paper.

The boy stands as I am speaking reaching his hand out and at one glance instantly starts weeping.  These were tears from deep seeded hurt that only God could speak to, and He did.  "Thank you, thank you, thank you" he kept repeating and he continued to cry.

Wow. I. Almost. Missed. This.

I sat there in awe for a moment.  I asked if I could do anything for him, if he needed to just talk to somebody.  "No, but thank you, thank you, thank you"  I told him I would be praying for him and drove off.

It was now my turn to weep.  I did not even make it back to my apartment building when the tears started pouring out of me.  Tears of sadness for whatever pain this boy was experiencing and going through.  Tears of awe in the sheer awesomeness of God.  Tears of thankfulness in being chosen to be used by God in that moment.

Guys, I did absolutely nothing that day.  God knew what that boy needed to hear.  The Holy Spirit guided me directly to him, so the God of the universe could speak truth and encouragement into his life.  I cannot described to you the feeling of knowing that and the feeling of closeness I had with God in that moment.

How absolutely humbling and heartbreaking it was for me to ask myself, "How many times have I missed blessings like this?"

God gave us the ability everyday to wake up and spend our whole day consumed with the greatness of who He is.  He is a personal God who wants to shower us with love and affection.  He is an intimate God who desires us to be close and guide us through joyful lives.  Are we letting Him?

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Bride

Bride.
Does not every woman long to be one?
Desire to be loved, chosen, set aside
for one man to love, to always reside
in his heart.  Seen as beautiful. Cherished. Perfect.
To be sacrificed for and seen as worth it.
For his love to define unconditional,
defy unconditional.
This pull on my heart really seems critical
for completion.
Am I beautiful?
Am I lovely?
My heart's cry is an answer to these questions
My heart screams this--asking for fulfillment
but on the outside I'm quiet: "I'm not good enough"
is the punishment
pressed on my mind, by the world and by Satan.
Twists God's truths right around; suffocating me--caged in.
I'm cornered. Self-doubt and loathing creeps in, sets a trap.
"Whatever, I'm useless..." I guess that's a wrap.
That's it? No, no--haven't you heard
that the bad guy never wins?
That's because the good guy is our
 one. gracious. King. 
Who defeated our sins.  Let's us begin
Again. Anew, as stated in 2 Corinthians 5:17
If anyone is in Christ then surely he's clean
the old passed away, no longer, dead and gone.
The new has arrived, so of course you belong.
Truths from God's Word are like a breath of fresh air.
Give me more please
I need more
My soul needs some repair.
"For your Maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty is His name"
Isaiah 54:5 puts all my worries to shame.
God...is...my...husband?
Whoa.
Let that one sink in.
Goodbye Satan, his doubts and attempts to pin
me down. 
No more, no longer with the lies.
Am I beautiful?
Am I lovely?
Let's take a look through God's eyes.
Song of Solomon 4:1 repeats a resounding YES!
God chose me as His wife;
in a clean, white dress.
I long to be a bride?
I shall look no further then Jesus.
Capturing my heart with His love,
 I'll always be satisfied.


"How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!"
-Song of Solomon 4:1



Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Running On Empty

Here I am again.
Disappointed in myself.
How can whole days go by and I not spend time,
with the One who made, can fast forward, and delay time?
"I don't have time."
I might as well nail Him to the cross...
yup. I did that. He took on my loss.
Perfect One. Took my filth. Shed His blood. Made me new.
Eternally grateful I am.
Yet:
Actions speak louder than words, it's true.
Overdue
is my time, of checking out of this world, out of my day
and into His arms.
Outstretched for me
but I push past; ignore the sounds
of alarms
of the Holy Spirit, pressing on my heart
"Your tank is low, come here. Be refueled."
"I'm too busy."
"I'm tired."
 Bunch of lame excuses.
There is no excuse, because life without Christ is useless.
And I wonder why when I'm ignorant to His call,
everything feels filled with stress?
Little things bother me, I feel like crying, I'm a mess.
I'm running on empty.
My thoughts running astray.
It is utterly amazing to me
how You promise to stay.
Thank You, God.
I love You.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Heart Surgery

Gently, slowly, they slide down my face
I taste the salt of them before I realize what's happening.
Steady streaming and even, nothing can seem to replace
the tears. Now? Why? I'm not even sad.
I guess with a healing heart there's
always an underlying reason.
Love is a heavy word, filled with endless meaning.
In that word "love", your heart is pulled.
No quick fix.
Your life shifts around.
Do the dance.
Remix.
Life is good.
Life is great.
Nothing needs to be fixed.
People say love is blind
I would say I have to concur.
Sometimes I wish I could rewind
the blur;
of these feelings.
Why me?
What did I do?
Questions flash by as I lay awake.
Entertaining this demon of heartache.
Did I do something wrong?
Did I make a mistake?
People also say,
It's better to have love and lost
than to never love at all.
This, I also agree, even if you fall
into heartbreak
because this allows you to compare
the love God has for you
There's no room to compare
Despite His close heart inspection
Still no fear of rejection.
His love is too grand
it covers every flaw.
His love lifts us up; breaks us free of the law.
It is infinite, eternal, looks past every mishap
Stays strong, pushes us on, fills in for where we lack
Which, is everywhere, completely
if we don't have Christ.
We're a mess on our own
filled with darkness, not light.
I wanted to be loved,
Yet was looking straight past the mark
but, God continued on my heart.
He pulled me out of the dark.
That's why, if you ask if I'm single
I'll say I'm taken by Jesus.
My main man, side dish, plus dessert
that's who He is.
Thank You, Lord for loving me fully, the most.
That's why in Your love, only, is where
I will boast.


"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."
-Psalm 51:17

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Sacrifice

God. 
You are so amazing 
There are actually no words sufficient enough to describe 
Your goodness. 
There perhaps is no better way to 
Describe the sacrifice You made for us then just that: 
The sacrifice You made for us. 
Your Son took on the world's sin. 
For Him to take that on, means 
We take off 
Worry, shame, fear, doubt. 
Your Son soaked in every punch 
Without even a shout. 
It hurts my heart to think of what 
My sin did. 
Then I smile, because it makes me 
Realize You're there. 
If my heart hurts for You then 
In me You reside. 
HA! I giggle out loud now to think 
Of the change inside. 
My heart: hard as stone, 
Cold as ice to the core. 
Ripped it out, crushed it up, 
Pulled out junk--it was sore. 
But I loved it, it made me cling to 
You to restore. 
I never want to leave Your side, 
Give me more 
Of Your knowledge, love, comfort and grace 
Am I silly for asking? 
All I need is to state 
The want, desire and need to know more 
You were there from the beginning 
And even before I was born, even thought of, 
Or a partial existence. 
You know when I'm coming and going 
You straight up wrote the script, this 
Is no news 
My thoughts, challenges, struggles 
They are perfectly placed. 
I am thankful because this means I am graced 
With the blessings of lessons 
Taught by the one true life professor 
Man, I thought I had life but In fact had much lesser. 
Death. Actually. 
Dead man walking is what I dressed in. 
I had thought I had life 
But was blinded by sin, 
Binded by sin, 
Wrapped up, consumed and 
Totally decided to sin. 
And that is just me. 
Count it. 
I. 
Just one. 
Christ died for the world 
Death-zero, Christ-1 
Scratch that. 
Infinity 
Eternal. 
Salvation. 
We shouldn't be able to touch His score on the board 
Or keep up in His race 
And yet once again I state: 
How great is our Lord? 
Gift of life. 
No regrets 
By the blood that was poured.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Tree of Life

Before I start I would like to point out just how cool God is in reminding me to write this blog.

Last night I was talking to my friend, Cam, on skype and in his room he has this cool mural painting of a tree. I was commenting how much I liked it and he was saying how he calls it the tree of life, taking it farther and saying how you can even say its like being at the foot of the cross because Jesus was crucified on a tree.

Enter God's coolness:

Earlier in the week after a particularly hard and hot run I layed down in my front yard when I was done, at the base of this tree that is in our front yard.  I was praying and just laying, talking to God, saying how I wanted to surrender everything daily at the foot of the cross and thinking how cool it was that I was laying by a tree so I could literally surrender the things I struggle with at the foot of "the cross". 

How neat that God placed that similar thought in both mine and Cam's mind and used him to remind me of that! Man oh man do we have a personal God!!

I was listening to the radio in the car the other day and heard one of the talk show people say, "we don't pray to get things from God, we pray to experience that intimate closeness with Him that comes only in that secluded time alone with Him"  I had a verbal response of "mm hmm!!" and really like the picture that painted.  It made sense to me why I felt close to God in that moment under the tree, and any time I spend true, uniterrupted, non-distraction time with the Lord.  His strong desire is for us to desire Him

Today, on my run, I was thinking of the significance of a tree in the Bible.  One of the first stories in the Bible centers around a tree in the garden of Eden.  God forbade Adam and Eve from eating from the tree in the middle of the garden.  "The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat the fruit from the trees in the garden.  But about the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden, God said, 'You must not eat it or touch it, or you will die.'" (Genesis 3:2)  Because Eve was deceived by Satan in the garden, she ate from the tree, resulting in death for God said, "Since man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil, he must not reach out, and also take from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever." (Genesis 3:22)  God is so gracious; however, that He sent His only Son to die on a cross, a tree, for our sins.  The same object that brought us into death is the same object Christ died on to deliver us into life.  A tree.  Takes on a whole heavier meaning now huh?  What are you surrendering today?


"and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed."
 - 1 Peter 2:24

"If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?"
 - Matthew 16:24-26





Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Working Out

As some of you know, if you know me or have read some of my posts, I run.  Running has been a definite blessing from the Lord, not only by my ability to do so but in what I have gained from running.  Running allows me to worship the Lord and spend time in prayer with Him.  It is where He lays a lot out for me and reveals things to me in certain ways.  This particular blog post is no different.

On any given day, I spend 1-2 hours working out.  I will run, lift weights, do ab workouts, all these different exercises to stay in shape.  I do not even question why I do this and if I am pressed for time or for some reason cannot make time for a workout, I feel like something is missing from my day.  I want to keep my body in shape.  I try to eat right so I can fuel my body right and have energy in order to workout.  The end result is I want to be healthy and selfishly, I want to feel good about how I look.  I work out because I desire something.  I desire to feel good.  So I am intentional about carving out time in my day to do these things.

These thoughts were crossing through my mind the other day while I was running and then God peeked in and was like, "Yeah, Robs, I know you like to spend time with me here and you listen to worship music and all but how much of the time are you really being intentional in spending time with Me." Ding Ding Ding! Lightbulb for Robyn.  I physically workout everyday but what am I doing to spiritually workout?  Is my spirit as in shape as my body?  The humbling answer for me was sadly, no.  Why am I not making time to engage in something that is truly life-saving.  Society preaches on keeping your body healthy and in shape but what good does that do if you are dead on the inside?  The Bible clearly says, "the training of the body has a limited benefit, but godliness is beneficial in every way, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come." -1 Timothy 4:8

I need to make time in my day to get in a workout spiritually, just like I do physically.  I get up at odd hours to go run, so why not get up at even odd-er hours to spend time with the Lord?!  If I am fueling my body with His word then there is no question I will have the energy to do everything else He has set out for me in the day.


How are you spiritually training?

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Puzzle!

Some of you may know, because I posted a part of it on Twitter last night (Twitter sometimes act as my memory bank when I'm laying in bed and God springs an idea on me) but the thought came to me that we are like those crazy hard slide puzzles.  Since I just figured out how to put pictures on here (yes, I have had this for almost a year) I will show you what I mean:


First, we are undone.  A total mess of a puzzle; barely distinguishable.  This is how He wants us though.  He isn't expecting us to come to Him as put together with everything in its place.  He is far too gracious for that and frankly, what better way to make His name known then to clean up our mess of lives?

This place, for us; however, is uncomfortable.  We don't know where to go or what move to make.  No matter how much we try to clean our mess of a puzzle life up on our own we can't do it.  We are still unusable if we are trying in our own strength or knowledge. 

That is when we have to surrender.  Laying down all we have and offering it up to the Lord and asking Him for help.  No matter how stubborn you are, no matter how long you tried to do it on your own, God is waiting and ready and desiring to help you!  He will start to move the puzzle pieces around for you.  Little by little He will teach you lessons and push you to grow more in His image, an image that is recognizable.  We are usable, as a picture, because we surrenered our lives over to His hands.  God will continue to mold you and shape you into who you are meant to be in Him, as long as you let Him.



I know, personally, I need to surrender daily because the temptations of this world to "do it on your own" are overwhelming.  It is a never ending process, but the result can be something beautiful.  I get in God's way of Him crafting me how He intended me to be when I try to take matters into my own hands.  When I remove myself from the equation I am allowing God to use me in ways that I couldn't imagine.  He wants to shine His light through all of us.  He wants to shine the glorious image and picture of His Son and the sacrifice He made so that we could live.


"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9


Are you ready to admit your weakness and start boasting in the power of the Lord to handle your life?

Saturday, June 23, 2012

10 Things That God is Better Than!

Have you seen those lists on buzzfeed like "50 People You Wish You Knew" and "15 Things You Remember From Childhood", etc, etc? They have pictures of things and descriptions of why underneath that are really pretty clever and funny. 

Well, naturally, on my run this morning I was thinking and then BAM the Holy Spirit lays it out like this: "10 Things That God is Better Than". I have my guilty pleasures and things that excite me here on Earth for sure but anytime I seriously think about it, I mean, come on, they are nothing compared to the Lord! So here goes my attempt at:
 "10 Things That God is Better Than"



1. Waking up early and realizing you still have an hour to sleep.
Because with God you have an eternal resting place.







2. Having the combo of your favorite dinner PLUS dessert.

Because the Word of the Lord is more satisfying than ANY meal.






3. Finishing a workout that was particularly challenging and feeling like you can take on the world.

Because you would not be able to even do a workout without the Lord's strength, and oh yeah...He overcame the world too.






4. Acing a test

Because God sent His Son, who passed the Ultimate Test, and the only One who is perfect to do so.






5. Diving into a bed full of fluffy, cozy pillows.
Because God can comfort better than any bed, no matter how many pillows.






6. That special yellow cake with chocolate icing your mom makes on your birthday(!)
 
Because God's love is sweeter than any sweet tooth.






7. Spending a day on the beach.
Because God knows the number of grains of sand, hairs on your head, and just how much you enjoy His beautiful creation.






8. Watching the sunrise or sunset
Because if you think that takes your breath away, imagine standing at the throne of your Creator!






9. Falling in love with someone
 Because no other person will be able to fill the spot in your heart carved out for God's love and loving God.






10. Everything.
Because we wouldn't have anything without Him.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Singleness

Singleness.  To society, singleness can feel like a personal issue or problem.  At times, it feels like something we should hide.  People fill conversations with questions like “are you seeing anyone?” or “do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” Television and media portray married life as the ultimate goal, with “reality” shows like the Bachelor focusing on finding that one significant other to be happy. To find love. To "fix" the problem of singleness.
If we consume ourselves with finding that special someone then our energy is always focused on the future.  Worrying about your future spouse is saying you do not trust God. Isaiah 34:16 says, “search and read the scroll of the Lord: Not one of them will be missing, none will be lacking its mate, because He has ordered it by my mouth, and He will gather them by His Spirit.”  The God who created the universe and crafter me and you intricately with all the fine details that comprise who we are also crafted someone who is woven and chosen and compliments who we are in Christ perfectly.  God’s desire is for His name to be known and honored.  Because of this, I know God designs people for marriage to be a dynamic team working together for His glory.  Why would you want to settle for anything less than His best? 
Singleness is a gift.  It is a humble honor.  God desires to have just your attention right now. He has plans for you that can only be attained or achieved because you are single.  He wants to satisfy every “empty” space that the world says a significant other should.  God is the only one who can fills all those spaces.  And the only one that will never leave.  Isaiah 54:9-10 says, “For this is like the days of Noah to Me: when I swore that the waters of Noah would never flood the earth again, so I have sworn that I will not be angry with you or rebuke you. ‘Though the mountains move and the hills shake, My love will not be removed from you and My covenant of peace will not be shaken,’ says your compassionate Lord.”
See singleness as a blessing.  Proclaim your singleness as you should any other stage in your life: by loving the Lord with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind and all your strength (Mark 12:30) Fill conversations with questions like, "what has the Lord been teaching you lately?" and "what have you learned about this season of your life?" Understand that you don't need another person to find love.  You have all the love you could ever need from a Heavenly Father who desires and has planned, the very best for you.
Take this time to dive into yourself and grow in the Lord.  Give God your full attention and see all the marvelous things He has to teach you.  It is okay to have the desire to marry, but don’t let it consume you.  In Psalms 37:4, it says if you are seeking the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.  Take your trust in Him a step further and let the desire go.  Give it to Him and watch Him bless you for it.  If Isaiah 34:16 says it will be seen to completion, why disrespect the Lord by doubting His plan?  In doing so, you are missing out on the richness in the life He has set before you.  The life that, without Him, would not be life.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Victory

The other day at UTC I was doing a devotional and the scripture was Isaiah 55:1-2 which says,

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, but and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare"

I was really struck with this simple command and how often I do not listen.  I just started writing to the Lord and this is what came about. I seriously love so much when the Lord speaks to me in this way!

So plain and simple
"listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare"
God lays it out so clear, like crisp air.
Yet, I still chow down on garbage or
fully neglect to eat what's there.
"You are what you eat"
takes on a heavy meaning
we might look clean on the outside
but our insides our screaming.
God offers us the buffet of life
and we try to decieve Him.
But He knows our hearts, He sees every dark place
and He still took our sins on Himself, He took our place
Traded our dirty, torn clothes
No more, replaced
with an unending, surreal amount of amazing grace
How sweet the sound
of His comforting voice.
He gives us a way out; He offers a choice
"I know you're hungry", He says
"Here, take the bread of life.
"No money? Don't worry. I paid the price
Full. With my blood, on a wooden cross.
Death for you now, is not even a loss."
For it's when we lose our lives we gain them.
When we hold on too tight, there's no room to attain them.
The world shouts, "worthless, dirty, unforgiven."
Jesus says, "worthy, spotless and blameless."
When He said, "It's finished."
That means our past and shame.
He washed us clean in His blood
no longer to blame.
I'll give up money, status and fame
if it means the book in heaven has my name.
So change my heart, Lord
make it beat just for You.
Because sometimes my heart doesn't line up
how it needs to.
What I desire is for You to be my one and only.
You woo and pursue me and continue to show me
the love You pour out, so much I'd be drowning
if it weren't for You grace, let's talk about the crown
and nails and whips and spit and trips
All done for us? And still we slip...
into temptation, into sin
but it's crazy, when You're in us
we always win.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Wiped Clean

Laying here just now, thinking and talking to God I was contemplating life and what it means to know God and what that means to life.  How that is life.  I was thinking how magnificent God is to offer us His Son to die on a cross so we can live.  How His blood washed our sins away and made us white as snow; made us new.  I was also thinking of how hard life still is.  Jesus wiped us clean, yes.  But that cleanness leaves us vulnerable and raw.

Recently when talking to a friend, she said it is like opening a wound.  We need to let out all the sin and junk in our lives by scraping back the layers.  That is never easy.  But don't you see that is right where Christ wants us? Vulnerable. Exposed. Surrendered. He wants us there so He can have our full attention and with gentleness He can stitch up our wounds. And with each stitch is another lesson learned.

Like it says in Deuteronomy 31:8, "The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged"  Even in the midst of hurt, God is there.  Especially in the hurt, because most likely where hurt is God is, to orchestrate an eye opening period of growth. If you let Him, He will heal you.  You may be left with a scar, but that is okay because scars help tell great stories.  And each let down, disappointment, and hurtful situation that leaves a scar, God uses to tell part of our story.  The story He has drawn out for us to inspire and encourage others and to glorify Him.

"For God is not a God of disorder but of peace -- as in all the congregations of the Lord's people"
 - 1 Corinthians 14:33

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Expectation


Expectations. They what you expect or think will happen-- in your sport, in the classroom, in your life. Expectations can seem daunting.  We hold goals over our head of accomplishments to achieve.  An M.V.P award. A national championship. On a smaller scale, just a simple win in a competition. Each of these goals holds weight in our lives.  Each of these expectations takes up space in our hearts as we prepare to try and conquer and achieve the plans we have set before us.  It is good to work towards something but for what?  What are your motives and driving force behind your actions?  What happens when we don't meet these expectations?  If we place to much or all of our emphasis on attaining these goals then when we fall short, and at some point we will fall short, we will feel inadequate and failure will threaten to consume us.  If we place our focus on Christ, then even when we "fail" in competition, we win.  We always win because Jesus always wins.  Having your hope in something grander than an activity is a surefire way to stay positive through trials and tribulations.  Jesus conquered and overcame the world.  He planned our lives out for us and if we trust in His plan He will unveil to us how what we thought were failures was really just guidance to get us out of our own way to experience God's best.  You want to win a real championship? It's called Salvation. Expect it and accept it.  It's free and offered by the Ultimate Coach. Jesus Christ. 

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith , let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfect our faith" - Hebrews 12:1

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Artwork

Christ is the glue that holds relationships together, that holds us together, that holds life together
He is also the scissors that cuts ties when necessary, shapes us into who we are meant to be, and carve out a narrow path for us.
He is the ultimate artist and crafts our life story beautifully if we let Him
We are like a 3 year old scribbling outside the lines.
When we try and take control of God's masterpiece of His plan for us it is like we are scribbling all over the beauty and perfect picture that God intends.
God wants to craft a glorious painting and insert us as parts of that painting where He feels we will make the most impact and shine as part of His artwork.
We are each an integral and important part to a specific work of art!

"He made the earth by His power, established the world by His wisdom, and spread out the heavens by His understanding." - Jeremiah 10:12

Monday, March 26, 2012

Retrospect

Retrospect...
I fear; will slowly drive me insane
Jesus says, "daughter, please let go"
"but Jesus sometimes it feels good to stand in the rain"
Tears are invisible when you're drenched in sorrow
"Weep now" He says, "but there will be joy come tomorrow"
But how? And why? I just don't understand
So many things have happened in such a short time; to quick to process.
But our whole life is a blink in His master plan
What is time not moving forward?
I'd say that it is time wasted.
We are called to press on towards the prize.
So why am I waiting?
I want to trust, to completely surrender
To lay at the foot of the cross and lift up my eyes.
To my beautiful, magnificent, gracious Savior.
His arms wrapped around me how can I waiver?
"I'm here" He says, "I'll never leave you" as I let the tears flow
This time not from sorrow but from His peaceful glow

"Weeping may spend the night, but there is joy in the morning" -Psalm 30:5b


Thursday, March 15, 2012

Broken Bone

While I was praying the other night, thinking about my walk with the Lord, God placed it on my heart like this:

My life before I knew Jesus was like a broken bone.

The brokenness of my bone was the sin in my life.  I was living completely in the world: feeding off my fleshly desires; I was prideful, I was partying way too much, I had a short temper and patience for little things--things I should be finding joy in.  You name it, I seemed to be knee deep in it.  I could try to cover it up, walk it off--like "no big deal, I got this".  But when all was said and done, my bone was still broken, I had an obvious limp and it hurt more than imaginable.

I wasn't fooling anyone that I had my life together, and eventually I could not even fool myself any longer. I call my low point when I started struggling with my performance on the track.  The interesting thing is once I turned to God for comfort through that, He started showing me all the other areas of my life that were just as broken.  I felt like God was saying, "Okay so now that I have your attention, let's look at this, and oh yeah this isn't so hot either, and yup yup that too" These areas included my lack of confidence in myself and more importantly the Lord and His plans for me and also relying on people's opinions for assurance and satisfaction.

It hurt beyond belief to look at all my sin and to continue to try and use my broken bone in daily life. It wasn't and couldn't work how it was suppose to.

God came along as my doctor.  He started shining His light in all the broken areas of my life, which caused me to cringe to look at and feel the emotion that went along with realizing how unsatisfying of a lifestyle I was living.  I knew I needed God to flip my life around.  I had tried and failed many times on my own.  I found myself asking, "Will it hurt God?"  God answered, "Yes daughter.  You're bone is horribly broken and I can't promise it won't hurt to fix.  But I can promise you I will never leave your side and it will be worth it.  This is the only way it can heal."  Jeremiah 30:17 says, "For I will bring you health and will heal you of your wounds". And Jeremiah 33:6 says, "Behold, I will bring you health and cure, and I will cure you, and will reveal unto you the abundance of peace and truth." Those two words: peace and truth.  I wanted that, I needed that. "Okay", I said, "I trust You."

So I clung tight to God as He revealed my brokenness and snapped that broken bone back into place.  He knew I would need to cling to Him in order to overcome this, which is why He allowed it to break in the first place.  Through His selfless sacrifice, my bone was brought back to where it belongs, to begin to mend the brokenness of my life.

You know how people say with broken bones, the realigning of the bone back into place is the worst part and after that it doesn't nearly hurt as much? Because it is finally where it should be?

That's exactly how my life felt.  I no longer carried around hurt daily and the pain stopped and I was able to begin to heal and move forward.  My bone, or life, was finally able to work how it was intended to--to shine the light of Christ.  I started getting involved in Athletes in Action weekly and absolutely craved the knowledge I was receiving from the Word through God Himself and through wonderful mentors as well.  I was so hungry to learn and wanted to make myself useful in Jesus' mission; however, I was not fully ready and God knew this.

God knew I needed a cast on my broken bone to keep it in line and help it to heal.  The cast God provided was the Ultimate Training Camp, which I have mentioned in some other blog postings.  In my vulnerable brokenness I was able to be open and totally trusting with what God was teaching me and allowed Him into all parts of my heart to heal.

Since then, God has shown me life outside of sport.  He has shown me the true meaning and reason for life here on earth.  Sharing His good news.  He has blessed me with the avenue of being an athlete as a platform to reach other athletes.  I have learned to grow in that area of my life through UTC.

Ultimately, my reliance and assurance in God's plan is what came of my trip to UTC. It didn't make me instantly fast and breaking records but it allowed me to step back and see a bigger picture, a bigger life, and a bigger calling outside of the sport of track and field.  Recently, I have also learned to not give up!  Just because I hit a road block does not mean I should settle and just assume this is what God has for me.  But His assurance does allow me peace regardless.  Overcoming my low self-confidence is something I continue to learn new things about each day.  Praise the Lord for taking the brunt of it away in a way I cannot describe other than a Godly intervention.  I still have my moments, but now I am able to combat and fight those doubts with truth from the Lord and I can fully absorb and understand the unique and fabulous way that God sees me: a loved daughter in His image.

Today, I would still say I am not completely healed.  And I hope I never think that because I want to keep striving after Christ until the day I can finally be with Him in heaven.  I would say now that I am more of a stress fracture than a big, clean break.  Stress fractures come from overuse, or wear and tear over a period of time.  I had 19 years of wear and tear on my life before I found the Lord.  That is a lot of healing to do.

But you know the saying that a broken bone is weak at first but grows back twice as strong?  There is also spiritual truth that ties into that, that I will hold onto.  "Blessed is the one whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.  For He wounds, but He also binds up; He injures, but His hands also heal." -Job 5:17-18

Jesus broke me down so I can be built up stronger in His image and fulfill His plan for my life.  He has me as a track and field athlete, at USF, involved in AIA for a reason and I want to honor that reason and glorify Him through the process.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Loss of Control

Hi :) This is a paper I had to write for class that I will be presenting this upcoming week.  The whole paper was totally guided by the Lord, which is usual for my writing but I never get sick of it! Hopefully, the Lord can speak through this to someone else going through similar situations.


            Loss to me is an opportunity for growth.  Through every loss experience, for me, there has been a growing experience interweaved through out the whole process.  I have had loss of control, and from that came a sense of freedom.  That being said, this was in no way an easy experience for me.  I often struggled back and forth within myself to be okay with it.  I feel, however, if you take a step back and look at things from a bigger perspective, you can always find a silver lining.  I will share with you my journey to find that silver lining and the failures it took to get there.
            “Oh yes, I’m going to the University of South Florida next year,” I hear myself say, with a perky grin on my face, to a family friend who asked where I’d be attending college next year.  On the outside I was all smiles and polite exterior like a cheesy infomercial seller, but on the inside I started to feel the wheels of nervousness twisting inside my stomach.  Overall, I am excited to be going to school in Florida.  I mean come on it is just about the coolest place you can go to Northerners.  Just mentioning it to people would produce squeals of delight and tons of responses similar to, “Oh My Gosh! You’re so lucky!” Really.  And I was no exception.  I felt anxious excitement to start my new life in Tampa, but there was still that tiny, painfully annoying itch of doubt.  Will I be able to handle the workload?  Will I get along with my roommates?  I hope I don’t gain the “freshmen 15”!  And then I remembered the one thing I could count on, running.  I was going to run track at USF and could not wait to get started in practicing and competing with the team.  Ah, no need for nerves, I would tell myself, track is the one thing I know I can handle. 
            Running always came easy for me.  I was gifted in my ability and enjoyed it very much.  I loved running so much that my friends would ask, “How can you love running that much? Like who gets that much enjoyment out of torture?!”  However, to me, it was not torture.  It was an outlet, a way I could express myself physically and a way to feel good about myself, both physically and mentally.  Everything else could be falling apart. I could have stress coming at me from every angle and I was always still able to go out and race my buns off.  Running was one thing I had under control.  Or so I thought.
            Starting from the first practice in college I could not get things together.  What in the world is going on Robyn?! Why can’t you just run?  Just run!  You’ve been doing it for 10 years.  What is the issue?  I would try my absolute hardest at practice, exerting full effort, and the result was the type of run that you have in those dreams, or nightmares rather, where you just cannot go anywhere, no matter how hard you try.  The feelings like you are knee deep in maple syrup (which normally if you gave me some pancakes I would be okay with, but not in this instance). Robyn, just GO!  Catch her, just move your legs faster and RUN!  I was living out my worst nightmare!  Okay, maybe “worst” is a bit extreme but I was definitely not prepared for this.  I thought I was going to come into college and be the star freshmen standout, among others, and have an amazing season, helping my team in the Big East Championships.  I could envision myself crossing that finish line in first place.  I could hear the people cheering, smell the familiar smell of rubber and grass of the track and field, feel the exhaustion of my muscles at the end of the race where I gave my all, but not enough exhaustion not to feel the smile of satisfaction on my face from a job well done.  In reality, I could not even hit times that I hit my freshmen year of high school, and there was nothing I could do about it.  I tried dieting to lose weight, basing it on the logic that if I was lighter I would be faster.  I tried talking to my weight room coach about our workouts.  Maybe my body was not responding to the ones we were doing?  I tried getting more sleep so I would have the energy everyday to give it my all.  Everything, in my control, I tried to fix.  Ultimately, this was out of my control.  Boy, did I despise that! 
            I totally lost control over the outcomes of my races and in turn I lost complete control over my feelings about the sport I once used to love.  I was embarrassed, frustrated, confused, fed up and angry.  I was an emotional wreck and felt totally out of control with my feelings.  I was broken and crying, which ironically is when I came to realize that it was okay.  It was okay that I was not running great times and if I never did again.  It was okay that I did not have control over this because ultimately I hold no control over anything.  This was a wake up call for me to turn towards God with my issues and struggles and really opened up the platform of my relationship with Him.  To understand where I am coming from I will explain it like this: Imagine yourself carrying an elephant on your back.  Yes, an elephant.  Okay, so you are lugging this huge, wrinkly, gray burden around just totally weighed down and consumed by thoughts of this elephant on your back, not to mention the physical tax it is having on your body.  That is a lot of weight to carry around.  Now imagine, someone coming along and just plucking that elephant off your back like it is an insect and taking the burden off your shoulders.  Relief right?  That is how I started to look at my struggle with running after I came to know the Lord.  He picked up the heavy burden of worrying if I will ever be able to run like I used to again. 
            The feeling of relief was definitely as instant as I describe.  It was like an elephant being lifted off my shoulders.  The feeling was not always consistent on a day-to-day basis; however, and that is one thing I have continued to struggle with through out my running career in college.  On any given day my conversations with God would jump back and forth.  On one day they would go like this, “Ah, thank You Lord for this great opportunity to be on a college track team.  However You want to use me Lord I am okay with.  If it is just to be a light for others on my team and to stay positive during my time of struggle I am okay with that and I thank You for allowing me to be in that position.”  On another day my conversation with God would go like this, “Okay, so I know I said I would be okay with this not doing well thing and all but is this really going to be it?  Am I really just going to be that girl constantly working hard but not seeing any results?  What am I doing wrong that it is not clicking?  I would really just like to do well God, yes just for me.  Yes, just so people can look at me and be amazed at how well I do.  I know that is not why I should want to do well, but honestly right now it is.”  I definitely had my bad days where I threw myself pity parties.
            Thankfully, along with my relationship with God, I am blessed to have a great support system in my family, particularly my mom and dad.  Throughout my struggle in my sport in college they have never once sounded disappointed in me or criticized me in any way about my performance.  This may be considered cheesy, but they would always say how proud of me they were even when I did horribly.  My mom was constantly boosting my moral and holding up my work ethic and determination to be proud of.  Not only on the track, but also in the classroom as well, which is an area of my life where I could say I was excelling.  If I am not already cheesy enough I have a text message saved from my mom that epitomizes her unending love and support in me: “me being proud has nothing to do with ur performance in running! its sticking to it being strong and doing as wonderfully fabulous as u do in the classroom! [sic]”  I also have a supportive text from my dad as well which reads, “Nice job girlie. its all coming together for you now. its built on good physical and spiritual base.  Add the mental aspects of running and you will have it all. [sic]”  I am not sure if this was in response to my attitude towards my running or if I had shared with him a specific good practice I had but it makes me smile and I am glad for the opportunity to see the dynamic of my relationship with my parents played out over different situations in my life. 
            A silver lining that I have been able to see take from in my life is the chance I now get to relate to girls who are also struggling with performance based problems.  Not unlike many other hard times in my life, when I take the outlook of gaining experience and knowledge with something I suffered from I am able to be thankful to be used in situations to then help other people with similar problems.  As per usual, this relates directly back to God and I will explain how.  Remember the elephant?  By nature, I am sinful and bound by my fleshly desires and temptation to sin, which leads to eternal life in hell.  I am weighed down by sin, like carrying around Dumbo the elephant.  There is no way I alone, in my own power, cannot sin and lift this elephant. If you are human, it happens.  This leaves a gap between God and I and blocks me from having an intimate relationship with Him.  We need help in order to lift the burden.  That is why God sent His son, Jesus, to die on a cross for my sins, for your sins, for the world’s sins.  This bridges the gap between the Lord and us and lifts off the heaviness of eternal death through sin.  When you allow Jesus to enter your heart and your life you are free from sin and granted eternal salvation in heaven!  Because Jesus lifted the elephant of sin, I am filled up on the Lord’s love, soaking in His word and guidance.  This has allowed me to outpour love onto others and gain the Lord’s perspective, a least in a tiny sense, of maybe not why everything happens, but what I can now do with what happened to best glorify Him and further His kingdom here on earth, which is what we are all called to do.
            Just recently, I got to hear a story where my outlook on struggling with track and my positive attitude helped out a girl on my team.  A girl on the cross country team and I were talking and she said she remembers being so nervous on the day of our first race and making an off hand comment about it.  I would not have remembered unless she said so but apparently I said something to her along the lines of, “There is no need to be nervous!  You run all the time, it is just another one of those times.  Think of this race on the large scale of your life, it will seem silly in order to be nervous of something so small.”  Talking to her after the fact she said that helped her so much and really put in perspective her feelings and nerves.  Those kinds of moments are amazing to me because without me realizing it, I encouraged her and in turn without her realizing it, in telling me the story, I was encouraged as well.  God definitely used that to show me my ability to be satisfied in Him has an effect on others and gives me the push to continue pursuing Him in order be filled up to help others.
            My struggle with running is still a work in progress.  Just these past couple of days I have realized that my lack of self confidence in my self overall has greatly affected my ability to run, along with other aspects of my life.  In my own self-doubt I also doubt God and His plans for my life, which is a hard pill to swallow for me.  I place my worth in my performance on the track a lot of the time, which will never consistently satisfy me.  My self-confidence plays a lot into how well I feel at practice that day or if I do well in competition.  The problem with this; however, is there is always going to be a faster time I want to achieve.  There is always going to be a way to improve and get better as an athlete.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve and I think it is great and I am blessed with the ability to push myself and discipline my body in order to try and run to the best of my God-given ability.  What is of concern is placing my worth, satisfaction and happiness in something so fickle.  I could break my leg and never be able to run again.  If I let running define who I am then eventually when that is taken away I will feel lost, incomplete, and inadequate.  Placing my image and identity in the Lord, there is no way my satisfaction can change.  No matter what else changes in my life, I will always have that one constant to be reminded of my worth: being a child of God. 
            In order to overcome this struggle with self-confidence and my struggle with running, I turn to prayer and conversation with God.  I pray for peace of mind and wisdom in what to do regarding my feelings and actions.  I also refer to God’s word because I feel that is directly how He speaks to me and it was written in order for me to digest and help guide me in my walk.  I also think it is important to have a church community, whether that means through church on Sunday, a Bible study, or just solid friends who understand your will to live for the Lord and want to help you with that choice.  One common misconception about Christians is that we have it all together and everything is perfect in our lives because we have Christ.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  For one, no one is perfect besides Christ so there is no way that everything in our life can be perfect.  Another thing is in following God’s word we are held to the standards of the Bible, which means God, will test us in order to see if we stand firm and glorify Him through our struggles.  What better way to show how much you trust someone than to thank them even in times of despair.  It is a learning process, and I have definitely had to swallow some hard pills along the way, but that is life.  If you never have to take a hard look inside yourself and pull out the icky stuff you will never grow as a person and be able to experience the most out of life.