Whew. Last journal entry! This has been such a cool assignment for me personally. So unique to be able to really dive inside yourself in a class and learn something about whom you are as a person. So many times in classes we are studying about this person, or that formula, which is great but to me it is also unsatisfying. I enjoyed this class because I felt like I really took something away and will be able to apply it to my life. When God is factored into anything in life, I am automatically on board and am usually more amped to be doing something where I can focus on Him than on something else. In being in tune with my emotions and especially in relation to my relationship with the Lord I really felt I grew this semester as a Christian, which is more than I could ask for.
Looking back over my previous journal entries, I notice something. I notice it was clearly a challenge for me to stay on the topic of present tense. It was hard for me to break my mold of how I usually write in my own journal and fine-tune it more towards an ethnography approach. This experience has taught me to slow down more and think about my emotions before I spread them out on paper. I am usually so in the moment with God that I just write and write and write. I don’t think I will stop that either, because it has definitely been a helpful outlet for me. However, I think I will just add some reflective time on the pieces I write and perhaps leave some time for an analysis and re-write :). Add and not subtract! That sounds productive! In all honestly, I think it will help me to bring this aspect of writing into my personal journal writing and I am thankful for the opportunity to broaden my writing in that way.
I think throughout this assignment my emotions have somewhat been influenced by culture and society. Some of this is played out in my previous journal entries, like the one where I am not bold in my proclamation of living for the Lord because I am nervous of what my friend might say or think. This was so eye opening! As hard as that was to see how I failed in that way I am so thankful for that happening because it taught me a great and valuable lesson. I only want to answer to the Lord and not worry about human opinions. Human opinions are unpredictable and changing and if I put my hope in the Lord I will never be let down and never have to be striving for anything ridiculous because He will guide me the whole way. I needed to be reminded of that this semester and in writing these journal entries I have come to realize that! I think I communicated my emotions as effectively as I could. I don’t think I did it perfectly, but I also think this type of story telling takes time and practice. I am sure that if I continue this process and look back in a year I will see leaps and bounds in my writing style. That being said, I am confident in my work presently and have learned and grown in myself that I can’t be disappointed, even if the grade doesn’t match up to how I feel.
I think that value of writing and telling this story was priceless. Yes, I realize how cheesy that can sound but think about it. No one else has ever told this story, in this way. Amongst our class, everyone has written a uniquely them story! Taking that a step further, not only am I the only one who has ever written this story but I also got something out of it that no one else will, a sense of peace and encouragement. I got a sense of peace because throughout writing this I was constantly reminded of how my God was with me, throughout each sentence I wrote and throughout each event I wrote about. I found encouragement in the fact that during this process the Lord pointed out areas for me to work on. In doing this assignment the Lord took as an opportunity for a spiritual growth lesson! I think that is what is so cool about God, He is always using things to teach you and if you are open to those lessons you can learn something out of every situation. I think writing this did change my life in some way because I believe we are being molded each day into the person God intends us to be. I think this was a great outlet in order to grow in my faith and definitely feel that I have made a difference in how I look at certain instances of my past now and how I look at my future. I look at my past as a gift from God. My past was needed in order to make me into the person I am today. God let everything in my past happen because he knew I could handle it and come out on top, glorifying Him. To look back now and know that, I am beyond thankful for every thing “bad” that has ever happened to me in my life and I am excited to see just how the Lord will use that in my future. I look at my future as an open slate, an open canvas with God as the artist. I like to think of Him painting a beautiful picture of my life and inserting me into places where He thinks I can make the most impact speaking and sharing with other the glory of God Himself. I am utterly honored to be looked at by the Almighty Father as a tool for His works. Me. Robyn Oakley. He picked me and is just as honored for me to be following Him and wanting to learn from Him. HA! It really makes me laugh because it is so unbelievable. I guess I got a bit off track but that is what happens when I am thinking about the Lord and writing, I told you :). I am a survivor of my past and a warrior for God to my future. With God by my side I can battle any worldly frustration, temptation, and humiliation. This assignment has allowed me to explore the depths of my feelings for the Lord and helped me realize, no matter where I think I may be in life one thing stands firm. That is, I am so totally amazed by God and am useless without Him.
That you may walk (live and conduct yourselves) in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him and desiring to please Him in all things, bearing fruit in every good work and steadily growing and increasing in and by the knowledge of God [with fuller, deeper, and clearer insight, acquaintance, and recognition].
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