The topic of this is something I have struggled with and continue to seek the Lord about to find discernment, comfort and satisfaction. Discernment for situations in where I am living to please others over God so much so that I am ignoring the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Comfort in the times when I perhaps have to let someone down and rest in the fact that the Lord loves me enough--enough to discipline me if I did wrong, and enough to sustain me through if it causes tension or the ending of a relationship. Satisfaction for seeking, searching, desiring and living out the life He has already set before me.
Not being who I am, but who others want me to be.
Blind to the prison that was surrounding me.
Ignoring my own opinions and thoughts,
buying into the one's from people who are also lost.
I was a chameleon, blending with others to fit in,
tossing away the privilege of being comfortable in my skin.
Whoever people thought I was or how I came off
was a cover and disguise until I realized the power of the cross.
Never confident in me, self-esteem at zero
I was idolizing others, placing them as hero-
as ruler of my heart, my body, my mind.
You'd be hard pressed to find any part of me as mine.
It was a battle I fought, one I am coming to still realize
Not seeing myself through the world, but through His compassionate eyes.
It is not a one time deal, it's a stretched out journey.
Praise God for that, pushing me to seek Him
and with discipline and love He will guide me.
Now Hillsong's lyrics pierce my heart with grace
"Crucified to set me free,
now I live to bring Him praise"
No longer bound by the opinions of others
just answering: "what does He think of me?"
It's humbling to realize when I gave myself up; there I was found
picked up, dusted off and placed on solid ground
My feet were steadied as I walked along
Joyfully singing--praise in a new song [Ps.40]
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